Now, for many women working in media, entrepreneurship and digital careers, work follows them everywhere – into bed, to Sunday lunch, onto school WhatsApp groups and even into date nights.
Today’s ‘always-on’ woman is not just a professional or boss babe. She’s constantly communicating, visible and performing emotional labour too. So, what happens to love when work never truly switches off? 

Pressure for presence  

For working women in South Africa, this reality is often amplified. Many are not only managing demanding jobs but also holding households together, dealing with extended family responsibilities, school committees, social groups and digital communities that operate 24/7.

Burnout in women today is no longer just occupational; it is relational and digital. According to well-known life coach and psychologist Dr Aria (Aria Campbell-Danesh), we are seeing women who are physically present in their relationships, but emotionally fragmented because their attention is constantly being pulled in multiple directions.

“Physical presence doesn’t guarantee emotional connection… Loneliness in relationships often happens when you’re together in body but not in spirit, when conversations stay surface-level, when you’re both scrolling on your phones [for work or leisure] instead of engaging, or when one person consistently seems mentally elsewhere,” he says.

In romantic relationships, this fragmentation can quietly erode intimacy. A partner may be sitting across from her at dinner, but her attention is divided – replying to work emails, liking social media content or thinking ahead to tomorrow’s deadlines. Presence becomes partial. Connection is interrupted.

As Dr Aria notes, many couples misinterpret this as emotional withdrawal. “It occurs when you feel like you can’t share your authentic thoughts or feelings without judgement, criticism or dismissal… When you’re doing activities together but not truly connecting – going through the motions of a relationship without the emotional intimacy.When you find yourself longing for deeper conversation, for genuine curiosity about each other, or for feeling truly seen and understood,” he explains.

“This type of loneliness can feel worse than being alone because it highlights the gap between what you have and what you’re hoping for in partnership. The solution isn’t necessarily more time together, but more intentional connection during the time you do share. Sometimes this requires an honest conversation about what’s missing and willingness from both people to show up more fully.” 

Chronic overload

The ‘always-on’ culture is especially pronounced in media, PR, marketing and content-driven industries, where visibility equals survival. For many women, the second ‘work shift’ begins the moment they log off professionally (if they ever do).
School WhatsApp groups require constant updates and participation. Birthday contributions must be tracked. Family logistics are coordinated in real time. Emotional labour becomes invisible admin.

According to the Centre for Mindful Relationships (CFMR) Counselling Group, women are often the default organisers of life. And organisation requires cognitive bandwidth. When that bandwidth is maxed out, there is very little left for emotional availability in romantic relationships.

“When you’re responsible for everyone else’s feelings and needs, your body goes into a kind of low-level survival mode. When there’s never a real break, your body stops trying to relax and you stop feeling like yourself. You might feel anxious or on edge, restless or snappy. Others might feel numb, disconnected or spaced out.” So what does this mean for love? Well, it doesn’t mean that love cannot survive. But it does mean it must evolve.

In my opinion, healthy relationships require a renegotiation of presence. We have to stop equating love with constant availability. Instead, we need intentional availability – moments where attention is fully given without fragmentation.
This might look like protected phone-free time, shared rituals that anchor connection (like morning coffee or evening walks), or simply the agreement that not every silence needs to be filled with productivity or updates. It also requires partners who understand that ‘rest’ for an always-on woman is not laziness; it’s a form of recovery.

As a woman, when I find that I have to perform productivity even in my relationship, desire and intimacy quickly fade. Intimate connection simply can’t thrive in a state of constant urgency. 

Protect your love life  

Create no-input zones in your day  

Designate small windows where nothing is consumed or responded to – no emails, no WhatsApps, no scrolling. Even 20-30 minutes of true mental silence helps your nervous system reset and makes emotional connection more accessible. 

Separate urgency from importance  

Not every notification is urgent, even if it feels that way. Ask: “Does this need me right now, or can it wait until I’m fully present?” This small pause helps reduce reactive living in relationships. 

Protect one daily connection ritual  

Whether it’s morning coffee, a 10-minute check-in after work or a bedtime chat, consistency matters more than duration. These rituals become anchors that protect intimacy from chaos. 

Stop performing productivity at home  

You don’t need to prove how busy you are to your partner. Constantly narrating workload or multitasking during quality time can unintentionally replace connection with admin.  

Share the mental load explicitly  

If you’re managing family, school groups or social logistics, don’t assume your partner sees it. Name it. Delegate it. Make invisible labour visible so it can be shared. 

Communicate your “always-on” reality clearly  

Help your partner understand your work rhythms and digital demands. When they understand the system you’re operating in, they’re less likely to misinterpret your fatigue as emotional distance.

Words: Chandre Emma Kippie
Illustration: Gallo/Getty Images  

The post The modern rules of romance appeared first on TFG Media.

Why do we need close friendships? 

In a world where connecting digitally is easy, everyday life can still make loneliness common (hello, male loneliness epidemic). “These relationships challenge us and support us simultaneously while helping us grow through validation and safety,” says clinical psychologist Dr. Anjali Ferguson. 

Follow these simple tips to stay connected with your friends when life gets busy: 

1. Plan group hangouts 

When life feels overwhelming, it’s tough to carve out one-on-one time with each friend you care about. With so little time, group hangouts become a lifeline – a way to stay close to several loved ones at once. Your friends likely feel the same longing for connection amid their busy days. When you finally move your plans from the (WhatsApp) group chat to real life, you share laughter and the joy you’ve all been missing. And if you sense that a friend needs something deeper, make space for a meaningful one-on-one to offer support in a more personal setting. 

2. Join each other’s day-to-day tasks 

With a jam-packed schedule, staying close to friends can feel nearly impossible when dinner dates or coffee runs keep slipping down the to-do list. If you’re working from home on the same days, try setting up at each other’s places – just being together, even for short breaks, lets you really feel their presence and swap stories you’ve been dying to share. Or, turn weekly grocery shopping into shared time: push carts together, laugh in the aisles, and catch up between picking out essentials. It’s a simple way to bring a little warmth and connection back into your week. Sounds like a win-win! 

3. Ditch the small talk and get real  

Time is ticking! So, in your limited time together, skip the small talk and share real, intimate moments. Being vulnerable is an easy way to connect and stay close, even if you don’t see each other often. “Vulnerability gives others permission to be vulnerable, which can strengthen the relationship,” says Laura Whitney Sniderman, MA, founder of Kinnd, a digital platform that helps people forge and sustain friendships. 

The post 3 Simple ways to maintain adult friendships when life gets busy  appeared first on TFG Media.

Yes, it’s nice when our partners go above and beyond to make sure we’re happy and cater to our every whim. But life is busy, and sometimes we find ourselves settling for the bare minimum. This, however, looks different for everyone, and it’s up to you to establish what you need for your relationship to be long-lasting and for you to feel loved.  

To feel respected, secure and emotionally supported, it’s important to figure out what you need and express this to your partner. Here’s how to find out and communicate your bare minimum so that your bond can stay strong – no matter what life throws at you.  

Identity your non-negotiable emotional needs

In order to learn what your emotional needs are, you’ll need to do a bit of honest introspection. Ask yourself what makes you feel safe, validated and emotionally fulfilled. This could include elements such as open communication, trust, shared values or plenty of affection.  

The times in your past relationships when you felt resentful or misunderstood often signal that your needs were being unmet. Once you know what yours are, communicate them calmly and confidently to your partner, with the understanding that their needs might be different from yours and they need theirs met, too.  

@lifeinfocuswithsuttida Emotional safety should be a none negotiable. #relationships #relationshipgoals #selfrespect #innerchild #friends ♬ original sound – lifeinfocuswithsuttida

Define behaviours that make you feel secure

Behaviours are not only about words and promises (although these are important), but they’re also about actions. And these actions need to be consistent. To feel secure, you need your partner to be reliable, honest and emotionally available by keeping their promises, listening without being dismissive and making time for you unprompted.  

Your other half should also show you respect by not pushing your boundaries, valuing your opinions even if they differ from theirs, and handling disagreements calmly. Identifying actions that make you feel calm, heard and valued will help you set a personal standard.  

Reflect on patterns you won’t tolerate

Think back on your old relationships (or even your current one) and identify recurring behaviour that caused you pain. These are usually emotional unavailability, disrespect, control, infidelity or a lack of accountability. No one should have to tolerate them, and neither should you!  

Going through this teaches you about what drains your energy, undermines your confidence or compromises your mental well-being. By naming what you will no longer accept from a partner, you are showing signs of growth and are permitting yourself to choose healthier relationships that align with your values, dignity and sense of self-worth.  

Clarify the standards that align with your values

What truly matters to you beyond attraction and chemistry? This is what you need to ask yourself when identifying what values you need in a partner. It could be their traits such as honesty, mutual respect and independence, or aspects such as their faith, family values or having shared interests and world views.  

Having standards isn’t about being rigid or having unrealistic expectations. Because when your standards are rooted in your core values, you will experience less conflict in your relationship, feel more supported and have a better shot at making it in the long term.  

@therapyjeff It’s so important to have aligned values in relationship but first you need to identify what yours are. #mentalhealth #therapy #therapytok #mentalhealthmatters #relationshiptips #dating #datingadvice #values ♬ original sound – TherapyJeff

Talking the talk

Once you have established what your needs are, you need to communicate them effectively to your partner so that they understand your bare minimum.  

Here’s how to approach it:  

Choose calm, intentional communication 

Don’t start the conversation in a heated moment – choose a calm and convenient time. Use ‘I’ statements to express your needs, rather than ones starting with ‘you’, which can feel accusatory and can make your partner feel defensive. Speak in a respectful tone with clarity and compassion. You should also ask them what their bare minimums are so you can make them feel seen, heard and respected, too.  

Be specific about behaviours, not character 

 The last thing you want to do is make any personal judgments about your partner. Instead, focus on behaviours. Don’t say: ‘You don’t respect me.’ Rather, explain what respect looks like to you so that you can both get on the same page. By being specific, you can help your partner understand the things you will and won’t accept – creating a shared language for accountability so it’s easier to express when standards are being met or not.  

Stand firm, but be open to dialogue 

For both of you to communicate your individual needs, there has to be an openness to be honest with your partner but also to hear any feedback they might have. They might have questions or want to respond, and you need to be receptive to that. Also, listening to them doesn’t mean you have to compromise your values. It should be a healthy two-way exchange and not an ultimatum. 

@jimmyonrelationships Default to Listening #datingtips #relationshipadvice #marriagegoals #communication ♬ original sound – Jimmy Knowles

 The new non-negotiables  

Everybody has things that they won’t tolerate in their relationships. What are yours?  

• Disrespect  

• Humiliation 

• Control 

• Dishonesty 

• Infidelity 

• Unaccountability 

• Unhelpfulness 

•  Inequality  

Words: Helen Wallace 
Photography: Pexels 

The post Do you know what the bare minimum is in your relationship? appeared first on TFG Media.

The International Day of Living Together in Peace (on 16 May) is dedicated to fostering peace, tolerance, inclusion, solidarity and understanding within our communities.  

Building peaceful relationships is an ongoing process that requires patience, empathy and commitment. By integrating these expert-backed techniques, we can create relationships that are not only loving but also resilient – and which can bring out the best in ourselves and those around us.  

Communitcation: The foundation of peace

At the heart of every peaceful relationship lies clear, respectful communication. American psychologist and author Dr John Gottman, known for his research on relationships, emphasises the importance of “soft start-ups – beginning conversations with kindness rather than criticism.” So, instead of saying, “You never listen to me”, try “I feel unheard when we talk. Can we find a way to improve our communication?”  

Listening is equally crucial. According to the Harvard Business Business Review, actively listening – making eye contact, summarising key points and asking clarifying questions – reduces misunderstandings and builds trust.  

@jimmyonrelationships You Dont Need More Communication! #communication #relationshipgoals #datingadvice #marriagegoals ♬ original sound – Jimmy Knowles

Embracing emotional regulation

Relationships thrive when individuals manage their emotions effectively. Neuroscientist Dr Lisa Feldman Barrett, an expert in emotion, explains that our emotions are “not just reactions but constructions of the brain influenced by past experiences”.  

By recognising emotional triggers (in ourselves and others) and responding thoughtfully rather than reactively, we prevent unnecessary conflict. Simple techniques such as deep breathing, pausing before responding, and practising mindfulness can significantly improve emotional regulation.  

@embracingjoynyc Most people think their relationship struggles are about communication… but it’s really about emotional regulation. When you can slow yourself down, name what’s happening inside you, and come back to your partner with clarity instead of chaos—everything changes. Two regulated people don’t equal zero conflict. They equal conflict that brings you closer. Want tools to build this? Link in bio.✨ #f#fypf#foryouf#foryoupagev#viralrelationshipadvice ♬ original sound – EmbracingJoyTherapy❌

Cultivating mutual respect and boundaries

Respect is the glue that holds relationships together. Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries ensures that both individuals feel safe and valued. Relationship therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab highlights that boundaries are not about controlling others but about expressing personal needs. For example, if you need alone time to recharge, clearly communicate it: “I love spending time with you, but I also need solo time to feel my best.” Creating and enforcing boundaries without guilt will foster healthier dynamics and prevents resentment.  

Practising forgiveness and letting go of resentment

Conflict is inevitable, but how we handle it determines the longevity of our relationships. Research by the American Psychological Association suggests that forgiveness, when genuine, leads to better mental health and stronger relationships. Holding on to grudges increases stress and damages emotional bonds. Instead, work towards a resolution by acknowledging mistakes, offering sincere apologies, and choosing to move forward rather than dwelling on the past.  

Prioritising quality me and shared activities

In the Digital Age, it’s surprisingly easy to become disconnected despite constant communication tools. A study published in the Yournal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples and friends who engage in shared activities such as cooking, exercising or travelling together experience higher relationship satisfaction. Prioritising intentional together time, free from digital distractions, strengthens bonds and creates lasting memories.  

Fostering a culture of appreciation

Regularly expressing gratitude enhances emotional closeness. Dr Robert Emmons, a leading researcher on gratitude, found that expressing appreciation for others strengthens relationships by reinforcing positive behaviours. Simple gestures, like thanking a partner for their support or help, or acknowledging a friend’s kindness, create a culture of warmth and validation.   

Podcasts for peaceful relationships

• Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel  

Listen in on real couples’ therapy sessions with this renowned relationship therapist.  

@weareavalon.love Psychotherapist Esther Perel on how to turn conflict into connection. #relationship #couples #advice #podcast #podcastclips #jayshetty #estherperel #relationshipproblems ♬ original sound – Avalon | Plant Medicine

• Love, Happiness & Success with Dr Lisa Marie Bobby  

Relationship coaching and personal growth strategies with the CEO of GrowingSelf.com. 

•  Small Things Often by The Gottman Institute  

Short, insightful episodes on small habits that improve relationships.   

• Dear Therapists with Lori Gottlieb and Guy Winch  

Two therapists help real people navigate relationship struggles. 

*Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and Google Podcasts. 

Words: Insaaf Abrahams 
Photography: Gallo/Getty Images 

Text courtesy of Club Magazine

The post What it takes to maintain peaceful relationships   appeared first on TFG Media.

The moment you said ‘I do’ was just the beginning. When you get married, you’re not just committing to each other but also committing to being role models for your children. How you love, communicate and manage conflict as a couple will not only impact your relationship, but influence their expectations, their self-worth and the partners they choose later in life. It’s a significant responsibility, and an opportunity to equip them with a healthy understanding of love, respect and relationships.  

Rethink your behaviour  

They say being a role model is the most powerful form of educating. A research article about preparing children for a future healthy marriage, published by Utah State University, stated that people “tend to model the behaviours they learned in their formative relationships in the future”.   

As parents, we need to consider our children in all that we do, because they learn their core values and principles from us, absorbing lessons from how we behave, how we communicate and how we treat the people closest to us. How do you treat your partner in front of your kids? Are you affectionate in front them? Or do you think they don’t need to see all of that?  

Those little eyes and ears are always watching, listening and internalising the dynamics of your marriage. They are soaking up every compliment, every loving glance and every compromise that you make. That’s why it’s so important to set a good example, and to pause, reflect and rethink the actions we demonstrate daily.  

Beware: Fight fair  

Arguments are inevitable, and you’re bound to disagree with your spouse once or even thrice a day. But are you fighting in a healthy way? Good conflict management means not raising your voice, adjusting your tone and not uttering any curse words or insults.  

Consider how you argue, because you are modelling how conflict plays out. It will affect your kids in the long run and they will grow up thinking that’s the way it should be done.  

Conflicts should be addressed in a constructive and respectful manner so that children learn that disagreements can be resolved without resorting to aggression, manipulation or violence.  

Healthy conflict resolution teaches them that a disagreement can be an opportunity for growth and understanding, rather than a threat to the relationship. As your children navigate their own relationships, they’ll be better equipped to handle disagreements and conflict, and work towards finding solutions that strengthen bonds rather than breaking them.  

Time for teamwork 

From washing dishes and making the bed to doing laundry together, teamwork in a marriage turns even the most mundane tasks into something more meaningful.  

By working together, you are also showing your kids that marriage is a partnership built on collaboration, cooperation, mutual support and trust — and they learn the importance of working together towards a common goal.  

This teamwork approach teaches kids that a relationship is a partnership, not a dictatorship. They see that relationships require effort and compromise.  

As they grow, they’ll be more likely to seek out partners who share similar values and are willing to work together with them to build a strong, healthy relationship.  

Healthy communication  

Communication is the key — as cliched as that sounds, it’s true. When Mom and Dad communicate openly and honestly, they can navigate life’s challenges together, strengthen their bond and create a deeper connection that lasts for a lifetime.  

This is also a bonus for the kids because it teaches them the importance of expressing feelings, needs and thoughts in a healthy way.  

It also teaches them about active listening, which fosters empathy and compassion. They begin to understand that communication is a two-way street, requiring both parties to be heard and understood.  

This skillset will serve them well in their future relationships, enabling them to navigate complex conversations and build deeper connections with their partners.  

Staying together for the kids? 

You shouldn’t. We’ve heard this one too many times, where parents think that no matter how terrible their marriage or spouse is, it’s better to just stay in the partnership for the sake of raising their kids together. 

The sad reality is that they are doing more harm than good. Studies show that children who grow up within an unhealthy marriage are more likely to attract and select toxic partners for themselves in the future.  

Breaking the cycle 

If you’re in an unhealthy marriage, it’s not too late to break the cycle. Seeking help, such as couples therapy, can be a step towards creating a more positive environment for your kids. And even if you can’t save your marriage, you can save your children so that they don’t have to heal from having you as their parent later on.  

This might involve co-parenting in a way that prioritises your kids’ needs. By doing so, you can help your kids develop healthier relationship patterns and avoid the toxic behaviours they may have witnessed.  

Raise the bar  

Mom and Dad, you have the power to raise the relationship standards of your kids. By modelling positive behaviour, teaching effective communication and promoting mutual respect, you can give them a strong foundation for life with their future partner. 

 Encourage your child to prioritise their own needs, set healthy boundaries and seek out people — and partners — who respect and value them. By doing so, you’ll give them the tools they need to build strong and happy relationships that will serve them well throughout their life. Remember, it all starts with you, so make sure you do your best. Bonus tip: learn your partner’s love language — it makes marriage a little easier. 

5 unhealthy love styles  

Here’s how to spot them in your spouse:  

1. The avoider – dodges conflict or difficult conversations, which often leads to unresolved issues and a strained relationship.  

2. The pleaser – prioritises the needs of others over their own, often sacrificing their own well-being and happiness to avoid rejection or conflict.  

3. The vacillator – constantly swings between different positions or opinions, often due to indecisiveness or a fear of commitment.  

4. The controller – tries to dominate, manipulate or micromanage others, often through guilt, anger or insecurity, to fulfil their own needs.  

5. The victim – perceives themself as powerless or helpless, often blaming others or circumstances for their problems, and seeking sympathy or attention.  

Words: Emma Mbuthuma
Photography: Gallo/Getty images

Also read: How to argue well in relationships

The post How modeling a strong marriage can influence your child’s future partner appeared first on TFG Media.

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Bride price is a beautiful cultural process into blissful matrimony that’s been celebrated by many Africans for centuries. But let’s explore the real cost of love in the African community… 

The practice of the bride price is widespread among different tribes in South Africa. In the Zulu and Xhosa cultures, it is known as i-lobola, while the Basotho and Botswana tribes refer to it as bohadi and bogadi. The relevance of the practice in the 21st century has been a topic of hot debate for many young couples who would like to get married.  

Marriage in African communities is still deeply rooted in culture, with the lobola process seen as the first step for those wanting to tie the knot. However, in tough economic times, this tradition comes at great cost – one that many cannot afford.  

Love’s cultural duty  

African cultural anthropologist Aylward Shorter defined i-lobola as “a legal document signifying that the marriage has taken place and legitimates the children of the union”.  

According to cultural experts, there can never be a marriage without the payment of lobola, and the children involved may not be claimed by the husband unless it is paid. It is seen as a cultural requirement to be recognised by the in-laws and the ancestors.  

Most men know paying i-lobola is their cultural duty; however, it is a duty riddled with a lengthy process of financial expenses over which the couple often has no power. It is usually the elders and representatives of the couple who conduct this process on their behalf. It commences with the letter sharing from the groom’s family discussing the intention of marriage, and the bride’s family’s reply and consent for the families to meet.  

A real-life scenario  

After Clement (surname withheld for privacy) proposed to his girlfriend, he was excited to share the news with his family and friends on social media. However, his excitement was met with disappointment from his mother and extended family, who stated that he was supposed to start with lobola first. 

Clement said that after the incident, the relationship between him and his mother became strained.  

“She began to put pressure on me to lobola my girlfriend, even demanding that I take up loans to complete the process immediately. I had to pay for my uncles from the rural areas to come and represent me. Mind you, I did not even have a relationship with these people prior, and now I am supposed to trust them with this process.”  

Clement was left stressed and feeling helpless as his mother and brothers started making decisions without consulting him, and the costs involved kept rising. 

“Luckily my partner’s family and I had already agreed on the bride price beforehand. However, I could only contribute half the amount during the first meeting, which is acceptable according to the cultural process.” 

Clement and his partner lost their jobs due to Covid shortly after, and any plans for the gifting ceremony were suddenly crashed.  

Three years later, Clement and his partner sought guidance from their families to complete the process so that they could finally live together and start their own lives.  

There was the remaining bride price amount to be paid, the gifting ceremony purchases and the costs of two ilobola celebration events. “I told them that I didn’t have enough money for everything, but they said they will assist me this time around, so we set a date for the next meeting.”  

In the end, Clement did manage to complete the lobola payment and have a small traditional lunch celebration with the help of his partner and uncles. They did not have enough funds for the gifting ceremonies but promised to complete this process in the future.  

Finally, the couple were now allowed to live together as a family, but money was tight at first, he recalls.  

It took them three years to recover from their lobola debt, and this experience has left them with no interest in incurring further debt for the gifting ceremonies. “Our plan is to buy a home first and to be financially stable as well, but that remains a challenge for now.”  

Modern influences in old traditions  

In a research paper looking at the perspectives and experiences of young people today, by Snenhlanhla Msweli of the University of KZN, factors such as educational opportunities, modernisation and urbanisation are contributing to how people view lobola.  

Different opinions were expressed in how people in the rural versus urban areas view i-lobola, and to what extent they still practice it. The findings also noted how culture is created and re-created by individuals based on their own beliefs and ‘situationships’.  

In written accounts about the topic, Lefatshe Moagi, a lecturer at UNISA in the Department of Political Sciences, gives insight into how the participation of women in the labour force may have negatively influenced the lobola practice. She argues that South Africa’s affirmative action policies, which seemed progressive for black women, were detrimental to the men who are now at a disadvantage.  

“Affirmative action, which exposes black women to more employment opportunities than men, white and Coloured women, poses a threat to the sustenance and viability of the lobola institution; she says. “We are approaching an era of economically powerful women paying lobola for their financially flaccid husbands. 

“In a radio discussion supporting this notion, several women said they had either shared in the expense or paid for their own bride price. These women were concerned about the financial burden i-lobola would bring afterwards on their relationships, as their partners were earning less than them or could not afford the financial obligation.  

Courtship and capitalism at play  

The value of lobola has evolved over time, from cattle to money and expensive gifts. This change from traditional to modern culture shows how this practice is now based on capitalist principles.  

Msweli’s findings also suggest that the practice has lost its true significance and relevance over time.  

“The practice of i-lobola has changed over the years, with increasing emphasis being attached to the value of the lobola payment rather than the meaning and value of i-lobola. In some instances, i-lobola has been turned into a monetary scheme, the high cost of paying lobola being the reason people do not get married, which results in many couples cohabiting.”  

Advocating for change  

Euphracia Pretorius, also known as the `Gen Z Mamoruti’ (meaning preacher), is a podcast host who is vocal about her Christian faith as a young person in a world where traditional culture and modern beliefs often collide.  

In an episode tackling the subject of lobola’s relevance, Mamoruti highlights how the practice has been commercialised over time, which often results in the newlyweds carrying the financial burden.  

However, she still strongly believes in the importance of this African practice when done correctly, because it plays a huge role in uniting the two families. “We don’t need to throw away our culture, but we do need to do it with dignity and grace; she says 

Words: Gezzy S. Sibisi
Photography by: Gallo/Getty Images

Also read: How to argue well in relationships

The post Unpacking lobola in a new age appeared first on TFG Media.

Age gaps in relationships aren’t new. We’ve read the tabloid tales about Hollywood’s May-December romances, and witnessed online sugar-baby dynamics. But as Gen Z enters adulthood, they’re no longer just observers — they’re actually living it, questioning it and, in some cases, flipping the script entirely. In a new world of dating apps, TikTok confessions and things that ‘go down in the DMs’, relationships between older and younger partners (especially older women and younger men) are undergoing a cultural remix.  

Cougar culture rebranded  

Once portrayed as desperate divorcees with wine glasses and wild intentions, ‘cougars’ are reclaiming the narrative. Today’s cougar isn’t a punchline; she’s confident, emotionally secure and not interested in settling. Shows like Sex/Life, influencers like ‘Real Housewives of TikTok’ and memes that praise ‘older baddies’ have refreshed this archetype for a younger, feminist generation. 

 Gen Z men, often dubbed ‘cubs’ in these scenarios, aren’t necessarily intimidated. In fact, many are intrigued. Whether it’s the allure of emotional intelligence, financial stability or just vibing with someone who knows what they want, younger men arc often sliding into older women’s DMs with no shame (but sometimes, a whole lot of cringe). 

However, the cougar-meets-cub  ‘trend’ is more often than not still seen as taboo, rather than being celebrated for being progressive and going against gendered ageism. According to multiple academic journals, studies show that people are far more judgemental when a woman is dating someone younger than when a guy does the same. In most cases, it’s the woman who gets all the shade, while older men in similar relationships rarely get questioned.  

Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and a prolific sex educator and researcher, suggests that even though this type of relationship is typically marginalised, most partners in them are content. “This may be because when the woman is older, this shifts the power dynamic towards greater equality,” he says. “We know that greater equality in a relationship tends to make couples happier, so perhaps it’s the case that this arrangement is just more equitable.”  

However, being in a relationship that causes alarm can take a toll on the couple. “When our relationships aren’t accepted by society and the important people in our lives, that rejection and lack of social support can stress the relationship,” Justin adds.  

‘Zaddies’ & sugar obsession  

Of course, this is not just a one-way trend. The `zaddy’ phenomenon (an older man with style, confidence and money) has exploded in Gen Z culture. From Pedro Pascal thirst edits to sugar daddy TikTok confessionals, there’s a growing openness to being with someone older if there’s emotional or material payoff . 

@metrofmsa #WordOfTheDay ♬ original sound – METROFMSA

Marriage and family therapist Patricia O’Laughlin notes that maturity in age-gap relationships like these “can mean a lower chance of settling for less than ideal circumstances”, emphasising that an older partner often seeks commitment rather than a casual fling.  

She adds that there can be “significant differences in beliefs between generations. It’s a real chance to learn how to consider multiple perspectives on an issue or experience… So, typically, an age gap difference means one is in it for the love and relationship.” 

But the glamour of many sugar relationships mask more complex realities. On one hand, Gen Z has pushed for transparency and agency in these dynamics — many sugar babies today treat it like a side hustle, with boundaries, contracts and clear communication. On the other hand, these relationships can easily veer into exploitative territory, especially when the power imbalance (financial and/or emotional) goes unchecked. This is where it becomes problematic.  

Complications and judgement  

Age-gap relationships come with layered power dynamics, and Gen Z isn’t afraid to talk about it. When one partner is significantly older, they have more life experience, financial leverage and social capital. That doesn’t automatically make the relationship toxic, but it does require intentional conversations around consent, equality and emotional readiness.  

Consent in this context goes beyond a simple ‘yes’. It involves understanding how age, status and power influence decision-making. Is the younger partner truly on an equal footing, or are they being love-bombed and gaslit into emotional submission? Is the older partner genuinely interested, or are they fetishising youth?  

These are questions Gen Z is asking, publicly. Whether it’s through viral Reddit threads, TikTok therapy sessions or Instagram ‘story times’, young people are collectively unpacking what healthy age-gap dynamics look like. If it sounds like Gen Z is obsessed with self-awareness and accountability, you’d be right.  

Despite this increasing openness, judgement still runs deep. An older woman dating a younger man is often met with side-eyes and snarky commentary (“Is that your son?”), while older men with younger women are rarely questioned. This patriarchal double standard hasn’t gone unnoticed. Gen Z is calling it out, challenging the idea that a woman’s desirability has an expiry date, while also holding ‘zaddies’ accountable for manipulative behaviour disguised as generosity.  

So… Is it a vibe or a red flag?  

The answer is: it depends… Gen Z’s approach to age-gap love isn’t about romanticising or rejecting it; it’s about making it real. Are both people in the relationship self-aware? Is communication honest? Are there mutual benefits without manipulation? If yes, then go for it. If not, it’s giving red flag.  

What is clear is that Gen Z is navigating age-gap relationships with more nuance, scepticism and emotional literacy than generations before. The cringe DMs may always be there, but the conversation around them has definitely evolved. 

Words: Charlton Knight 

Photography by: Gallo/Getty Images 

Also read: How to argue well in relationships

The post Gen Z and the complex reality of age-gap relationships appeared first on TFG Media.

The Dyans, the gents, the bros — they do friendship differently. There’s Brad, John, Thabo and Siya; Jason makes special appearances. When they get together, it’s always a good time. The fire is hot, the meat is cooked just right, and the beers are ice-cold. Conversations flow — cars and engines, hobbies, annoying sisters, children, partners — and nothing is off the table. Well unless someone mentions money… 

Then the conversation lags. Jason makes a quick joke and suddenly the group is talking about something else instead. 

This is normal, especially when there are income disparities. One’s a doctor, another an engineer. a third has been job-hopping for years in hopes of finding the right fit, and another is an up-and-coming entrepreneur. One became a personal trainer when they found their passion late in life. 

Some have kids; one is the sole breadwinner for his family.  

It’s a lot, and no one wants to talk about just how stretched (or full the wallet is. While money can’t buy you friends, it can lose you some.  

To help you navigate the sometimes-turbulent financial waters in your friendships, various men gave us their insights. 

Brad 

A rare breed 

“Most guys keep financial stuff private, either out of pride, fear of judgement or simply because it’s not part of the usual banter. We might joke about being broke, but deeper conversations about income, financial struggles and debt are rare.”  

Polls taken in the last few years arrive at the same conclusion: talking about money is uncomfortable. This includes a recent study by the UK Money & Pensions Service, which found that 55% of British adults don’t want to talk about their financial situation.  

According to psychologist Dr Heather Sequeira, writing in Psychology Today. “There are those who have money and those who do not, and which category a person falls into is given away by the size of their house or their watch, or the make of their car and the sort of holidays they upload on Instagram.”  

She says many choose to “internalise their financial situation as a reflection” of their own worth, or of the value of others. 

John 

The strong, silent type 

“In some cases, we are aware that some friends in the group don’t earn the same. But we don’t always act on it. Sometimes the expectation is just to split the bill without much consideration of what each person consumed. So ‘Jason’ ends up paying way more than he should, just to avoid awkwardness or looking cheap.”  

The Guardian published a story about a recent study conducted by Credit Karma, a personal finance company, which found that 88% of Millennials have taken on debt after having spent time with a wealthier friend.  

The same study also found that young adults are increasingly ending relationships with people whose finances do not align with their own, and prioritising making friends with people who have similar incomes, to avoid overspending.  

The cost of living is high, and with the new budget approved by Parliament in South Africa, it’s going to get even worse. And the rest of the world is feeling the same pinch, especially as the US tariffs war rages on. 

Thabo  

A champion against injustice 

“If the group is close, someone might say something like, ‘Hey, bro. You only had two beers, don’t worry about the full bill: It’s best done casually, so ‘Jason’ doesn’t feel singled out or embarrassed in front of the group.” 

In Psychology Today, Val Walker writes that a wealth gap between friends can create tension, conflict, presumptions, resentment or shame, causing rifts that tear apart well-meaning and loving relationships. 

“A decades-long friendship could be lost over a bitter misunderstanding triggered by financial disparity:’ she adds. It can also create a power dynamic that is hard for a friendship to come back from.  

Val suggests that before talking about money and the differences in wealth, check your internal biases first — especially about people with more or less money than you.  

“Get to the root of your attitude about friends who are financially better off than you. What about them specifically triggers you to feel resentful, envious, hopeless, ashamed, guilty or stuck? Your strong emotions might reveal underlying issues that are clouding the money problem in your friendship”.   

When the financial issues start affecting the friendship, it’s time to speak out. 

Siya 

The ‘everything is good’ friend 

“There’s often an unspoken pressure to keep up, especially in social settings where everyone’s buying rounds or doing something expensive. It’s a pride thing, and sometimes guys would rather stretch their wallets than admit they are tight on cash.”  

Whether it’s a game of credit-card roulette or an overseas trip, if it is out of your price range, stand your ground.  

But it’s not all doom and gloom. The World Economic Forum believes friendships that cut across class lines are a key indicator of economic mobility and can help alleviate inequality, according to new research in the US.  

Researchers found that friendships between wealthy and less well-off people are a more important metric of determining upward economic mobility than other forms of social capital, like having wealthy parents or attending high-quality schools.  

In simple words, don’t let go of your wealthy friends just yet.  

There is much to be gained from your friendships. “People obtain job opportunities, information and behavioural norms from their networks,” says Matthew Jackson, a lead author of the report and professor of economics at Stanford University. 

Bond within budget 

Try the following affordable activities: 

• Attend a free lecture or author talk. 
• Invite friends over for coffee or wine and cheese. 
• Have potluck meals together.
• Chill with Netflix or watch sports.
• Play with your pet(s) or go for walks. 
• Host regular book or film clubs or game nights.

Keep it cheap, just in case 

While it’s easier said than done, being open about money might just be the key to saving your friendships.  

And when you go out, be very clear about where you stand. While we don’t have Venmo in South Africa, make Splitwise your best friend. This app helps friends and roommates keep track of shared expenses. And it’s free.  

Also, instead of hitting the bar or that expensive restaurant, think bigger (bonding-wise) and smaller (money-wise). 

Words by: Thulani Gqirana
Photography by: Gallo/Getty Images
Text courtesy of Man magazine 

The post Why income differences shouldn’t stand in the way of good friends appeared first on TFG Media.

The beginning stage of a relationship is often filled with excitement, all in anticipation of potential as well as the endless possibilities to come. It’s filled with hours of talking and texting, navigating the big firsts, from the first kiss to the first time you shyly hold hands in public, and all the general things around figuring each other out. But when uncertainty begins to overstay its welcome and the question of “what are we?” is always met with a shrug, you might have found yourself in a bit of a situationship. 

This grey area in relationships is nothing new, but it has earned itself a new name —the situationship — and has become a common stop on the modern dating map. It often looks like a relationship, and feels like a relationship, but that final move to define it is always being side-stepped. Situationships can be steeped in confusion and heartbreak, but are they always a bad thing? We talk to relationship experts and unpack the many facets of this dynamic.  

@kimberlyrae.life Familiar? Check out my free resources for situationship help! 🫶 #situationships #dating #datingadvice #datingcoach #relationships ♬ original sound – Kimberly Rae | Dating Coach

The good  

More often than not, the word ‘situationship’ doesn’t come with many positive connotations. “A situationship is not sustainable,” says intimacy and relationship coach, Tracy Ziman Jacobs. But it can have a time and place.” You may be young and wanting to find connection, but not quite ready to settle into something too serious just yet. It can be good to remain open to opportunities and experiences when you’re still figuring yourself out in your early 20s. Nowadays, Tracy explains, there is less pressure to get married, so younger people are not so quick to jump into serious relationships. They might have learnt from the older generation, where divorce rates are so high that a long-term commitment is not something to rush into.” 

If you’re both on the same page, the situationship can be fun and a way to explore love, sex and relationships while still allowing yourself the space to define yourself. However, when the desire to keep things open is one-sided and communication is scarce, this is when things can start to go south.  

The bad  

After spending so much time together in a way that feels so intimate, it is inevitable that feelings are going to get involved and at least one person will want things to move forward. But if you’re wanting commitment, you won’t find it from a person committed to the grey area, no matter how hard you try. “A situationship is a very fuzzily defined thing and that’s part of its function,” explains medical doctor and cognitive strategist, Dr David Backwell. “The mild amounts of care, sex or attention it gives you – that is the thing that it does. And people have to disconnect from what they’re hoping it will be to the functions that it will provide.”  

Communication is always important in muddy waters, but that is something that you may not feel able to ask for in a situationship – and so conversation becomes indirect and unclear. “The conversation of, ‘what are we?’ is never a conversation of definition,” says Dr Backwell. “You know what you are, at least on some level. The reason to ask is to say, ‘I want to change this functionality and its direction’. It’s a sort of sleight of hand conversation.”  

@billiondbabie Situationships are a WASTE of time! @Sabrina Zohar #situationship #dating #boundaries ♬ original sound – Billion Dollar Babie

The ugly 

“My gut instinct is to say it is toxic,” says Tracy, “because why you’re hanging on has a lot to do with self-esteem.” It could be that one person is looking for the ego boost that often comes with a relationship but doesn’t feel able to take on the expectations that come with commitment, and the other may be sticking out the complexities because they don’t think they can find something better.  

For the person who is always pressing pause on moving things forward, they are getting attention while avoiding accountability and are often more likely to be ignoring the feelings of the other person in the process. The one who is stuck in the grey area is compromising their needs and sense of self-worth in pursuit of something that is bound to end badly. At its worst, this relationship dynamic can play with a person’s emotions, thus spinning a toxic cycle of confusion, hurt and ultimately – heartbreak.  

A situationship is a tricky landscape to navigate, so there is no one way to approach it. There’s potential for something thrilling that is filled with various possibilities. Even so, make sure to always check in with the other person involved, your friends and, most importantly, yourself.  

Things to try  

1. Set boundaries: Define what you want out of the relationship and communicate your needs assertively to ensure they are being met. That way, the grey area becomes clearer to both of you. 

2. Be honest: Nothing sets us up for failure more than not being honest with ourselves or our partners. Even if the conversation is difficult, speak your truth to avoid escalating problems later on. 

3. Focus on yourself: We all tend to lose who we are as we devote a lot of time and energy into a situationship. You and your well-being should be your top priority, with the other person coming in second. 

4. Live in the moment: Try not to overthink the situation you’re in and just enjoy it for what it is. Sometimes it is about the journey and not the destination, so try and focus on being present, taking in the time spent rather than focusing on what may or may not be. 

By: Natalie Fraser
Photography by: Pexels

Also read: 3 Self-love habits you can start today 

The post The 101 on situationships appeared first on TFG Media.