The moment you said ‘I do’ was just the beginning. When you get married, you’re not just committing to each other but also committing to being role models for your children. How you love, communicate and manage conflict as a couple will not only impact your relationship, but influence their expectations, their self-worth and the partners they choose later in life. It’s a significant responsibility, and an opportunity to equip them with a healthy understanding of love, respect and relationships.  

Rethink your behaviour  

They say being a role model is the most powerful form of educating. A research article about preparing children for a future healthy marriage, published by Utah State University, stated that people “tend to model the behaviours they learned in their formative relationships in the future”.   

As parents, we need to consider our children in all that we do, because they learn their core values and principles from us, absorbing lessons from how we behave, how we communicate and how we treat the people closest to us. How do you treat your partner in front of your kids? Are you affectionate in front them? Or do you think they don’t need to see all of that?  

Those little eyes and ears are always watching, listening and internalising the dynamics of your marriage. They are soaking up every compliment, every loving glance and every compromise that you make. That’s why it’s so important to set a good example, and to pause, reflect and rethink the actions we demonstrate daily.  

Beware: Fight fair  

Arguments are inevitable, and you’re bound to disagree with your spouse once or even thrice a day. But are you fighting in a healthy way? Good conflict management means not raising your voice, adjusting your tone and not uttering any curse words or insults.  

Consider how you argue, because you are modelling how conflict plays out. It will affect your kids in the long run and they will grow up thinking that’s the way it should be done.  

Conflicts should be addressed in a constructive and respectful manner so that children learn that disagreements can be resolved without resorting to aggression, manipulation or violence.  

Healthy conflict resolution teaches them that a disagreement can be an opportunity for growth and understanding, rather than a threat to the relationship. As your children navigate their own relationships, they’ll be better equipped to handle disagreements and conflict, and work towards finding solutions that strengthen bonds rather than breaking them.  

Time for teamwork 

From washing dishes and making the bed to doing laundry together, teamwork in a marriage turns even the most mundane tasks into something more meaningful.  

By working together, you are also showing your kids that marriage is a partnership built on collaboration, cooperation, mutual support and trust — and they learn the importance of working together towards a common goal.  

This teamwork approach teaches kids that a relationship is a partnership, not a dictatorship. They see that relationships require effort and compromise.  

As they grow, they’ll be more likely to seek out partners who share similar values and are willing to work together with them to build a strong, healthy relationship.  

Healthy communication  

Communication is the key — as cliched as that sounds, it’s true. When Mom and Dad communicate openly and honestly, they can navigate life’s challenges together, strengthen their bond and create a deeper connection that lasts for a lifetime.  

This is also a bonus for the kids because it teaches them the importance of expressing feelings, needs and thoughts in a healthy way.  

It also teaches them about active listening, which fosters empathy and compassion. They begin to understand that communication is a two-way street, requiring both parties to be heard and understood.  

This skillset will serve them well in their future relationships, enabling them to navigate complex conversations and build deeper connections with their partners.  

Staying together for the kids? 

You shouldn’t. We’ve heard this one too many times, where parents think that no matter how terrible their marriage or spouse is, it’s better to just stay in the partnership for the sake of raising their kids together. 

The sad reality is that they are doing more harm than good. Studies show that children who grow up within an unhealthy marriage are more likely to attract and select toxic partners for themselves in the future.  

Breaking the cycle 

If you’re in an unhealthy marriage, it’s not too late to break the cycle. Seeking help, such as couples therapy, can be a step towards creating a more positive environment for your kids. And even if you can’t save your marriage, you can save your children so that they don’t have to heal from having you as their parent later on.  

This might involve co-parenting in a way that prioritises your kids’ needs. By doing so, you can help your kids develop healthier relationship patterns and avoid the toxic behaviours they may have witnessed.  

Raise the bar  

Mom and Dad, you have the power to raise the relationship standards of your kids. By modelling positive behaviour, teaching effective communication and promoting mutual respect, you can give them a strong foundation for life with their future partner. 

 Encourage your child to prioritise their own needs, set healthy boundaries and seek out people — and partners — who respect and value them. By doing so, you’ll give them the tools they need to build strong and happy relationships that will serve them well throughout their life. Remember, it all starts with you, so make sure you do your best. Bonus tip: learn your partner’s love language — it makes marriage a little easier. 

5 unhealthy love styles  

Here’s how to spot them in your spouse:  

1. The avoider – dodges conflict or difficult conversations, which often leads to unresolved issues and a strained relationship.  

2. The pleaser – prioritises the needs of others over their own, often sacrificing their own well-being and happiness to avoid rejection or conflict.  

3. The vacillator – constantly swings between different positions or opinions, often due to indecisiveness or a fear of commitment.  

4. The controller – tries to dominate, manipulate or micromanage others, often through guilt, anger or insecurity, to fulfil their own needs.  

5. The victim – perceives themself as powerless or helpless, often blaming others or circumstances for their problems, and seeking sympathy or attention.  

Words: Emma Mbuthuma
Photography: Gallo/Getty images

Also read: How to argue well in relationships

The post How modeling a strong marriage can influence your child’s future partner appeared first on TFG Media.

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Bride price is a beautiful cultural process into blissful matrimony that’s been celebrated by many Africans for centuries. But let’s explore the real cost of love in the African community… 

The practice of the bride price is widespread among different tribes in South Africa. In the Zulu and Xhosa cultures, it is known as i-lobola, while the Basotho and Botswana tribes refer to it as bohadi and bogadi. The relevance of the practice in the 21st century has been a topic of hot debate for many young couples who would like to get married.  

Marriage in African communities is still deeply rooted in culture, with the lobola process seen as the first step for those wanting to tie the knot. However, in tough economic times, this tradition comes at great cost – one that many cannot afford.  

Love’s cultural duty  

African cultural anthropologist Aylward Shorter defined i-lobola as “a legal document signifying that the marriage has taken place and legitimates the children of the union”.  

According to cultural experts, there can never be a marriage without the payment of lobola, and the children involved may not be claimed by the husband unless it is paid. It is seen as a cultural requirement to be recognised by the in-laws and the ancestors.  

Most men know paying i-lobola is their cultural duty; however, it is a duty riddled with a lengthy process of financial expenses over which the couple often has no power. It is usually the elders and representatives of the couple who conduct this process on their behalf. It commences with the letter sharing from the groom’s family discussing the intention of marriage, and the bride’s family’s reply and consent for the families to meet.  

A real-life scenario  

After Clement (surname withheld for privacy) proposed to his girlfriend, he was excited to share the news with his family and friends on social media. However, his excitement was met with disappointment from his mother and extended family, who stated that he was supposed to start with lobola first. 

Clement said that after the incident, the relationship between him and his mother became strained.  

“She began to put pressure on me to lobola my girlfriend, even demanding that I take up loans to complete the process immediately. I had to pay for my uncles from the rural areas to come and represent me. Mind you, I did not even have a relationship with these people prior, and now I am supposed to trust them with this process.”  

Clement was left stressed and feeling helpless as his mother and brothers started making decisions without consulting him, and the costs involved kept rising. 

“Luckily my partner’s family and I had already agreed on the bride price beforehand. However, I could only contribute half the amount during the first meeting, which is acceptable according to the cultural process.” 

Clement and his partner lost their jobs due to Covid shortly after, and any plans for the gifting ceremony were suddenly crashed.  

Three years later, Clement and his partner sought guidance from their families to complete the process so that they could finally live together and start their own lives.  

There was the remaining bride price amount to be paid, the gifting ceremony purchases and the costs of two ilobola celebration events. “I told them that I didn’t have enough money for everything, but they said they will assist me this time around, so we set a date for the next meeting.”  

In the end, Clement did manage to complete the lobola payment and have a small traditional lunch celebration with the help of his partner and uncles. They did not have enough funds for the gifting ceremonies but promised to complete this process in the future.  

Finally, the couple were now allowed to live together as a family, but money was tight at first, he recalls.  

It took them three years to recover from their lobola debt, and this experience has left them with no interest in incurring further debt for the gifting ceremonies. “Our plan is to buy a home first and to be financially stable as well, but that remains a challenge for now.”  

Modern influences in old traditions  

In a research paper looking at the perspectives and experiences of young people today, by Snenhlanhla Msweli of the University of KZN, factors such as educational opportunities, modernisation and urbanisation are contributing to how people view lobola.  

Different opinions were expressed in how people in the rural versus urban areas view i-lobola, and to what extent they still practice it. The findings also noted how culture is created and re-created by individuals based on their own beliefs and ‘situationships’.  

In written accounts about the topic, Lefatshe Moagi, a lecturer at UNISA in the Department of Political Sciences, gives insight into how the participation of women in the labour force may have negatively influenced the lobola practice. She argues that South Africa’s affirmative action policies, which seemed progressive for black women, were detrimental to the men who are now at a disadvantage.  

“Affirmative action, which exposes black women to more employment opportunities than men, white and Coloured women, poses a threat to the sustenance and viability of the lobola institution; she says. “We are approaching an era of economically powerful women paying lobola for their financially flaccid husbands. 

“In a radio discussion supporting this notion, several women said they had either shared in the expense or paid for their own bride price. These women were concerned about the financial burden i-lobola would bring afterwards on their relationships, as their partners were earning less than them or could not afford the financial obligation.  

Courtship and capitalism at play  

The value of lobola has evolved over time, from cattle to money and expensive gifts. This change from traditional to modern culture shows how this practice is now based on capitalist principles.  

Msweli’s findings also suggest that the practice has lost its true significance and relevance over time.  

“The practice of i-lobola has changed over the years, with increasing emphasis being attached to the value of the lobola payment rather than the meaning and value of i-lobola. In some instances, i-lobola has been turned into a monetary scheme, the high cost of paying lobola being the reason people do not get married, which results in many couples cohabiting.”  

Advocating for change  

Euphracia Pretorius, also known as the `Gen Z Mamoruti’ (meaning preacher), is a podcast host who is vocal about her Christian faith as a young person in a world where traditional culture and modern beliefs often collide.  

In an episode tackling the subject of lobola’s relevance, Mamoruti highlights how the practice has been commercialised over time, which often results in the newlyweds carrying the financial burden.  

However, she still strongly believes in the importance of this African practice when done correctly, because it plays a huge role in uniting the two families. “We don’t need to throw away our culture, but we do need to do it with dignity and grace; she says 

Words: Gezzy S. Sibisi
Photography by: Gallo/Getty Images

Also read: How to argue well in relationships

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Age gaps in relationships aren’t new. We’ve read the tabloid tales about Hollywood’s May-December romances, and witnessed online sugar-baby dynamics. But as Gen Z enters adulthood, they’re no longer just observers — they’re actually living it, questioning it and, in some cases, flipping the script entirely. In a new world of dating apps, TikTok confessions and things that ‘go down in the DMs’, relationships between older and younger partners (especially older women and younger men) are undergoing a cultural remix.  

Cougar culture rebranded  

Once portrayed as desperate divorcees with wine glasses and wild intentions, ‘cougars’ are reclaiming the narrative. Today’s cougar isn’t a punchline; she’s confident, emotionally secure and not interested in settling. Shows like Sex/Life, influencers like ‘Real Housewives of TikTok’ and memes that praise ‘older baddies’ have refreshed this archetype for a younger, feminist generation. 

 Gen Z men, often dubbed ‘cubs’ in these scenarios, aren’t necessarily intimidated. In fact, many are intrigued. Whether it’s the allure of emotional intelligence, financial stability or just vibing with someone who knows what they want, younger men arc often sliding into older women’s DMs with no shame (but sometimes, a whole lot of cringe). 

However, the cougar-meets-cub  ‘trend’ is more often than not still seen as taboo, rather than being celebrated for being progressive and going against gendered ageism. According to multiple academic journals, studies show that people are far more judgemental when a woman is dating someone younger than when a guy does the same. In most cases, it’s the woman who gets all the shade, while older men in similar relationships rarely get questioned.  

Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and a prolific sex educator and researcher, suggests that even though this type of relationship is typically marginalised, most partners in them are content. “This may be because when the woman is older, this shifts the power dynamic towards greater equality,” he says. “We know that greater equality in a relationship tends to make couples happier, so perhaps it’s the case that this arrangement is just more equitable.”  

However, being in a relationship that causes alarm can take a toll on the couple. “When our relationships aren’t accepted by society and the important people in our lives, that rejection and lack of social support can stress the relationship,” Justin adds.  

‘Zaddies’ & sugar obsession  

Of course, this is not just a one-way trend. The `zaddy’ phenomenon (an older man with style, confidence and money) has exploded in Gen Z culture. From Pedro Pascal thirst edits to sugar daddy TikTok confessionals, there’s a growing openness to being with someone older if there’s emotional or material payoff . 

@metrofmsa #WordOfTheDay ♬ original sound – METROFMSA

Marriage and family therapist Patricia O’Laughlin notes that maturity in age-gap relationships like these “can mean a lower chance of settling for less than ideal circumstances”, emphasising that an older partner often seeks commitment rather than a casual fling.  

She adds that there can be “significant differences in beliefs between generations. It’s a real chance to learn how to consider multiple perspectives on an issue or experience… So, typically, an age gap difference means one is in it for the love and relationship.” 

But the glamour of many sugar relationships mask more complex realities. On one hand, Gen Z has pushed for transparency and agency in these dynamics — many sugar babies today treat it like a side hustle, with boundaries, contracts and clear communication. On the other hand, these relationships can easily veer into exploitative territory, especially when the power imbalance (financial and/or emotional) goes unchecked. This is where it becomes problematic.  

Complications and judgement  

Age-gap relationships come with layered power dynamics, and Gen Z isn’t afraid to talk about it. When one partner is significantly older, they have more life experience, financial leverage and social capital. That doesn’t automatically make the relationship toxic, but it does require intentional conversations around consent, equality and emotional readiness.  

Consent in this context goes beyond a simple ‘yes’. It involves understanding how age, status and power influence decision-making. Is the younger partner truly on an equal footing, or are they being love-bombed and gaslit into emotional submission? Is the older partner genuinely interested, or are they fetishising youth?  

These are questions Gen Z is asking, publicly. Whether it’s through viral Reddit threads, TikTok therapy sessions or Instagram ‘story times’, young people are collectively unpacking what healthy age-gap dynamics look like. If it sounds like Gen Z is obsessed with self-awareness and accountability, you’d be right.  

Despite this increasing openness, judgement still runs deep. An older woman dating a younger man is often met with side-eyes and snarky commentary (“Is that your son?”), while older men with younger women are rarely questioned. This patriarchal double standard hasn’t gone unnoticed. Gen Z is calling it out, challenging the idea that a woman’s desirability has an expiry date, while also holding ‘zaddies’ accountable for manipulative behaviour disguised as generosity.  

So… Is it a vibe or a red flag?  

The answer is: it depends… Gen Z’s approach to age-gap love isn’t about romanticising or rejecting it; it’s about making it real. Are both people in the relationship self-aware? Is communication honest? Are there mutual benefits without manipulation? If yes, then go for it. If not, it’s giving red flag.  

What is clear is that Gen Z is navigating age-gap relationships with more nuance, scepticism and emotional literacy than generations before. The cringe DMs may always be there, but the conversation around them has definitely evolved. 

Words: Charlton Knight 

Photography by: Gallo/Getty Images 

Also read: How to argue well in relationships

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The Dyans, the gents, the bros — they do friendship differently. There’s Brad, John, Thabo and Siya; Jason makes special appearances. When they get together, it’s always a good time. The fire is hot, the meat is cooked just right, and the beers are ice-cold. Conversations flow — cars and engines, hobbies, annoying sisters, children, partners — and nothing is off the table. Well unless someone mentions money… 

Then the conversation lags. Jason makes a quick joke and suddenly the group is talking about something else instead. 

This is normal, especially when there are income disparities. One’s a doctor, another an engineer. a third has been job-hopping for years in hopes of finding the right fit, and another is an up-and-coming entrepreneur. One became a personal trainer when they found their passion late in life. 

Some have kids; one is the sole breadwinner for his family.  

It’s a lot, and no one wants to talk about just how stretched (or full the wallet is. While money can’t buy you friends, it can lose you some.  

To help you navigate the sometimes-turbulent financial waters in your friendships, various men gave us their insights. 

Brad 

A rare breed 

“Most guys keep financial stuff private, either out of pride, fear of judgement or simply because it’s not part of the usual banter. We might joke about being broke, but deeper conversations about income, financial struggles and debt are rare.”  

Polls taken in the last few years arrive at the same conclusion: talking about money is uncomfortable. This includes a recent study by the UK Money & Pensions Service, which found that 55% of British adults don’t want to talk about their financial situation.  

According to psychologist Dr Heather Sequeira, writing in Psychology Today. “There are those who have money and those who do not, and which category a person falls into is given away by the size of their house or their watch, or the make of their car and the sort of holidays they upload on Instagram.”  

She says many choose to “internalise their financial situation as a reflection” of their own worth, or of the value of others. 

John 

The strong, silent type 

“In some cases, we are aware that some friends in the group don’t earn the same. But we don’t always act on it. Sometimes the expectation is just to split the bill without much consideration of what each person consumed. So ‘Jason’ ends up paying way more than he should, just to avoid awkwardness or looking cheap.”  

The Guardian published a story about a recent study conducted by Credit Karma, a personal finance company, which found that 88% of Millennials have taken on debt after having spent time with a wealthier friend.  

The same study also found that young adults are increasingly ending relationships with people whose finances do not align with their own, and prioritising making friends with people who have similar incomes, to avoid overspending.  

The cost of living is high, and with the new budget approved by Parliament in South Africa, it’s going to get even worse. And the rest of the world is feeling the same pinch, especially as the US tariffs war rages on. 

Thabo  

A champion against injustice 

“If the group is close, someone might say something like, ‘Hey, bro. You only had two beers, don’t worry about the full bill: It’s best done casually, so ‘Jason’ doesn’t feel singled out or embarrassed in front of the group.” 

In Psychology Today, Val Walker writes that a wealth gap between friends can create tension, conflict, presumptions, resentment or shame, causing rifts that tear apart well-meaning and loving relationships. 

“A decades-long friendship could be lost over a bitter misunderstanding triggered by financial disparity:’ she adds. It can also create a power dynamic that is hard for a friendship to come back from.  

Val suggests that before talking about money and the differences in wealth, check your internal biases first — especially about people with more or less money than you.  

“Get to the root of your attitude about friends who are financially better off than you. What about them specifically triggers you to feel resentful, envious, hopeless, ashamed, guilty or stuck? Your strong emotions might reveal underlying issues that are clouding the money problem in your friendship”.   

When the financial issues start affecting the friendship, it’s time to speak out. 

Siya 

The ‘everything is good’ friend 

“There’s often an unspoken pressure to keep up, especially in social settings where everyone’s buying rounds or doing something expensive. It’s a pride thing, and sometimes guys would rather stretch their wallets than admit they are tight on cash.”  

Whether it’s a game of credit-card roulette or an overseas trip, if it is out of your price range, stand your ground.  

But it’s not all doom and gloom. The World Economic Forum believes friendships that cut across class lines are a key indicator of economic mobility and can help alleviate inequality, according to new research in the US.  

Researchers found that friendships between wealthy and less well-off people are a more important metric of determining upward economic mobility than other forms of social capital, like having wealthy parents or attending high-quality schools.  

In simple words, don’t let go of your wealthy friends just yet.  

There is much to be gained from your friendships. “People obtain job opportunities, information and behavioural norms from their networks,” says Matthew Jackson, a lead author of the report and professor of economics at Stanford University. 

Bond within budget 

Try the following affordable activities: 

• Attend a free lecture or author talk. 
• Invite friends over for coffee or wine and cheese. 
• Have potluck meals together.
• Chill with Netflix or watch sports.
• Play with your pet(s) or go for walks. 
• Host regular book or film clubs or game nights.

Keep it cheap, just in case 

While it’s easier said than done, being open about money might just be the key to saving your friendships.  

And when you go out, be very clear about where you stand. While we don’t have Venmo in South Africa, make Splitwise your best friend. This app helps friends and roommates keep track of shared expenses. And it’s free.  

Also, instead of hitting the bar or that expensive restaurant, think bigger (bonding-wise) and smaller (money-wise). 

Words by: Thulani Gqirana
Photography by: Gallo/Getty Images
Text courtesy of Man magazine 

The post Why income differences shouldn’t stand in the way of good friends appeared first on TFG Media.

The beginning stage of a relationship is often filled with excitement, all in anticipation of potential as well as the endless possibilities to come. It’s filled with hours of talking and texting, navigating the big firsts, from the first kiss to the first time you shyly hold hands in public, and all the general things around figuring each other out. But when uncertainty begins to overstay its welcome and the question of “what are we?” is always met with a shrug, you might have found yourself in a bit of a situationship. 

This grey area in relationships is nothing new, but it has earned itself a new name —the situationship — and has become a common stop on the modern dating map. It often looks like a relationship, and feels like a relationship, but that final move to define it is always being side-stepped. Situationships can be steeped in confusion and heartbreak, but are they always a bad thing? We talk to relationship experts and unpack the many facets of this dynamic.  

@kimberlyrae.life Familiar? Check out my free resources for situationship help! 🫶 #situationships #dating #datingadvice #datingcoach #relationships ♬ original sound – Kimberly Rae | Dating Coach

The good  

More often than not, the word ‘situationship’ doesn’t come with many positive connotations. “A situationship is not sustainable,” says intimacy and relationship coach, Tracy Ziman Jacobs. But it can have a time and place.” You may be young and wanting to find connection, but not quite ready to settle into something too serious just yet. It can be good to remain open to opportunities and experiences when you’re still figuring yourself out in your early 20s. Nowadays, Tracy explains, there is less pressure to get married, so younger people are not so quick to jump into serious relationships. They might have learnt from the older generation, where divorce rates are so high that a long-term commitment is not something to rush into.” 

If you’re both on the same page, the situationship can be fun and a way to explore love, sex and relationships while still allowing yourself the space to define yourself. However, when the desire to keep things open is one-sided and communication is scarce, this is when things can start to go south.  

The bad  

After spending so much time together in a way that feels so intimate, it is inevitable that feelings are going to get involved and at least one person will want things to move forward. But if you’re wanting commitment, you won’t find it from a person committed to the grey area, no matter how hard you try. “A situationship is a very fuzzily defined thing and that’s part of its function,” explains medical doctor and cognitive strategist, Dr David Backwell. “The mild amounts of care, sex or attention it gives you – that is the thing that it does. And people have to disconnect from what they’re hoping it will be to the functions that it will provide.”  

Communication is always important in muddy waters, but that is something that you may not feel able to ask for in a situationship – and so conversation becomes indirect and unclear. “The conversation of, ‘what are we?’ is never a conversation of definition,” says Dr Backwell. “You know what you are, at least on some level. The reason to ask is to say, ‘I want to change this functionality and its direction’. It’s a sort of sleight of hand conversation.”  

@billiondbabie Situationships are a WASTE of time! @Sabrina Zohar #situationship #dating #boundaries ♬ original sound – Billion Dollar Babie

The ugly 

“My gut instinct is to say it is toxic,” says Tracy, “because why you’re hanging on has a lot to do with self-esteem.” It could be that one person is looking for the ego boost that often comes with a relationship but doesn’t feel able to take on the expectations that come with commitment, and the other may be sticking out the complexities because they don’t think they can find something better.  

For the person who is always pressing pause on moving things forward, they are getting attention while avoiding accountability and are often more likely to be ignoring the feelings of the other person in the process. The one who is stuck in the grey area is compromising their needs and sense of self-worth in pursuit of something that is bound to end badly. At its worst, this relationship dynamic can play with a person’s emotions, thus spinning a toxic cycle of confusion, hurt and ultimately – heartbreak.  

A situationship is a tricky landscape to navigate, so there is no one way to approach it. There’s potential for something thrilling that is filled with various possibilities. Even so, make sure to always check in with the other person involved, your friends and, most importantly, yourself.  

Things to try  

1. Set boundaries: Define what you want out of the relationship and communicate your needs assertively to ensure they are being met. That way, the grey area becomes clearer to both of you. 

2. Be honest: Nothing sets us up for failure more than not being honest with ourselves or our partners. Even if the conversation is difficult, speak your truth to avoid escalating problems later on. 

3. Focus on yourself: We all tend to lose who we are as we devote a lot of time and energy into a situationship. You and your well-being should be your top priority, with the other person coming in second. 

4. Live in the moment: Try not to overthink the situation you’re in and just enjoy it for what it is. Sometimes it is about the journey and not the destination, so try and focus on being present, taking in the time spent rather than focusing on what may or may not be. 

By: Natalie Fraser
Photography by: Pexels

Also read: 3 Self-love habits you can start today 

The post The 101 on situationships appeared first on TFG Media.

1. Take a cooking class together 

Learning something new together? Cute and useful. Whether you go all-out gourmet at an IRL class or just follow a TikTok recipe at home, you’ll be laughing, learning, eating and flirting. 

@nicoleanjalii We learned how to make pasta from scratch!! Best wedding gift ever 🥰 @CocuSocial #cookingclass #datenightideas #cookwithme #datenight #marriedlife #marriedcouple #newlyweds #seattletiktok #browngirltiktok ♬ Another Life – SZA

2. Have a lounge picnic 

Too cold to go out? No worries. Lay down a blanket, set out your fave snacks, add candles and a chill playlist and boom – indoor picnic sorted. Throw in some PJs and a bottle of bubbly and you have the makings of an epic date (pillow fight optional). 

@nicoleanjalii We learned how to make pasta from scratch!! Best wedding gift ever 🥰 @CocuSocial #cookingclass #datenightideas #cookwithme #datenight #marriedlife #marriedcouple #newlyweds #seattletiktok #browngirltiktok ♬ Another Life – SZA

3. Do a local food crawl 

Pick an area nearby with loads of great little food spots and turn your night into an adventure. Share a starter at one place, mains at the next, and end off with dessert or a nightcap somewhere vibey.  

4. Go wine tasting 

Head to a local wine bar or vineyard for a tasting – winter reds hit different. Or, grab a few bottles you’ve never tried, set up a mini tasting at home with charcuterie and scorecards.  

5. Games night 

No, we are not talking boring Monopoly or snooze-fest card games – rather, get creative and set the mood for some flirty fun with Twister, truth or dare, ‘Never have I ever…’, or ‘Would you rather…?’ Or you could get out of the house by playing putt-putt, going bowling or visiting an arcade. 

@atwistofdate Date night game #1: Dare Pong #datenightideas #dateideasathome #datenightgame #datenightchallenge #coupleschallenge #couplesgame #dateactivity ♬ Cool for the Summer – Sped Up (Nightcore) – Demi Lovato & Speed Radio

 Words: Robyn MacLarty

Image: Shutterstock

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Have you ever locked eyes with someone and felt an instant spark, leaving you thinking it’s love at first sight? That fluttery feeling might seem romantic, but it’s essential to recognise whether you’re experiencing love or lust. Confusing the two can lead to heartache and misunderstandings with your partner. Here’s how to spot the difference and know if you’re headed for lasting love or a short-lived romance. 

So, what’s the difference? 

Lust is primarily based on physical attraction and the desire for physical connection. 

It’s intense, consuming and mostly short-term. Lust often centres around fantasy and the idea of a perfect partner, making it more about the physical than the emotional connection. 

Love is deeper and more enduring. 

It’s about genuinely caring for someone’s well-being, flaws and all. Love grows over time and involves mutual respect, trust and a willingness to support each other through life’s ups and downs. 

According to a study by researchers at Concordia University in Canada, lust is driven by the body’s need for gratification, while love stimulates areas in the brain related to attachment and long-term bonding. 

Understanding this distinction can prevent heartache and foster more meaningful connections. 

Signs you’re in lust 

1. Physical Obsession: If your thoughts revolve around physical appearance and the thrill of being together, it’s likely lust. Lust centres on attraction, making you feel more excited about the physical than the emotional aspects of the relationship. 

2. Fast-Paced Romance: Lust tends to move at warp speed. If you’re rushing into intense emotions without really knowing the person, it’s likely a sign you’re driven by infatuation. 

3. Idealisation: Lust makes it easy to overlook your partner’s flaws. This intense attraction might cloud your judgement, creating a ‘perfect’ (usually unrealistic image of your partner. 

4. Focus on Self-Gratification: Lust is often self-centred. If the relationship is focused more on one person’s needs and desires than mutual understanding and connection, that’s another sign. 

5. Short-Term Vision: If either partner is more focused on the present excitement than on future plans together, it’s likely a lust-driven connection. 

Signs you’re in love 

1. Emotional Connection: Love goes beyond physical attraction. If you find yourself connecting on a deeper level, sharing personal goals, fears and life stories, then it’s likely love. 

2. Patience and Understanding: Love takes time. If you’re willing to wait, listen and understand each other, even through conflicts, that patience reflects a more genuine connection. 

3. Support and Growth: Love encourages both partners to grow individually and together. If you feel a sense of security and support, where you both want the best for each other, it’s love. 

4. Sacrifice and Selflessness: Love often involves putting your partner’s needs ahead of your own. This selflessness shows you care beyond immediate desires. 

5. Future Plans: Unlike lust, love looks to the future. If you’re making plans together and envisioning a shared future, it’s a good sign you’re in love.  

How love evolves 

Research shows that attraction fades after six to 18 months in most relationships, which is when lust can transform into love. 

Studies have shown that couples who last often develop what researchers call ‘companionate love, where deep respect and emotional connection take centre stage. 

A study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy noted that 61% of people initially attracted by physical appearance reported experiencing disappointment when this aspect faded, highlighting the importance of building a more profound bond. 

Remember, relationships need time to develop into true, lasting love. Recognising the signs can help you avoid miscommunication, cultivate genuine connection and understand your feelings before taking the next step. 

The science of love and lust 

1. Dopamine: Often called the feel good hormone; dopamine surges during the early stages of attraction and lust, creating feelings of excitement and pleasure.  

2. Oxytocin: Known as the ‘love hormone’, oxytocin is released through physical touch and bonding activities, helping to form emotional connections and long-term attachment. 

3. Testosterone & Oestrogen: These hormones drive physical desire and attraction, sparking initial interest, but don’t necessarily lead to emotional closeness. 

4. Vasopressin: This hormone plays a key role in forming long-term bonds, especially in committed relationships, contributing to loyalty and partnership. 

5. Serotonin: The happy hormone’ is ironically often lower in the early stages of love, which can cause obsessive thoughts about a partner. But levels of serotonin tend to normalise as relationships mature. 

Words by Insaaf Abrahams
Photos: Gallo/Getty Images 

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AIl couples argue… that’s a fact. Arguments in relationships get a bad rap – some view them as something to be completely avoided; others see them as destructive to a relationship. But, when approached carefully, arguments have the potential to strengthen a relationship by creating a deeper understanding of your partner. 

Rather than causing harm or resentment, see healthy arguments as a way to clarify misunderstandings and resolve conflict. The secret lies in the art of arguing well’ – moving disagreements away from a place of criticism into a constructive conversation that could improve your connection with your partner. 

Don’t fight each other 

There is a difference between an argument and a fight. A fight typically ensues when someone deliberately tries to hurt the other person, while an argument may be a heated conversation, disagreement or even a debate. Arguments tend to be healthier than fights, and they only escalate to a fight when a partner takes personal digs, becomes spiteful or behaves unreasonably. 

@kirstietaylorr Reply to @wendhyq arguing vs. fighting… let’s goooo #anxiousattachment #dating101 #datingadvice ♬ CRAFT – OFEKNIV

“Instead of attacking the other person’s character, happy couples colour inside the lines and express their own feelings,” says psychotherapist Vikki Stark, director of the Sedona Counselling Centre in Montreal, Canada. Remember that you are not in a relationship with yourself. It’s inevitable that there will be different perspectives, values and beliefs, but the challenge is to communicate in a way that still respects your partner’s perspective while steering clear of defensiveness and criticism. 

How to argue well 

Dr Anthony E. Wolf, a clinical psychologist based in Massachusetts in the US, points out that a major threat to relationships is the consuming need to be ‘right’ all the time, especially during disagreements. In his book Why Can’t You Shut Up? How We Ruin Relationships – How Not To, he refers to this as the ‘baby self” – a need to cling to our viewpoint, even when it causes conflict. 

The solution, he says, is letting go when an argument becomes unproductive and accepting that the ‘goal’ is not to win but rather to come to a mutual consensus. 

Dr Laura Richter, a marriage and family therapist in Florida, US, states that arguments are natural and, to an extent, a healthy expression of passion, but she notes that they can be damaging if not carried out carefully. When arguments spiral into screaming matches, they shift from being productive arguments into harmful contests. 

Healthy arguments centre around the idea that a disagreement should be handled as a discussion, as opposed to a battle. The purpose is not to ‘win’ but rather to be seen, heard and loved. “Arguing is not a competition,” says Dr Richter. “We’re all unique individuals with different ways of seeing things.” Partners do not have to find common ground on every subject, but they must respect each other’s lived reality. 

When arguments revolve around understanding your partner better instead of transferring blame, the relationship can come out stronger. Psychology Today lists four ways to have successful communication in moments of conflict: 

– Focus on the issue. Keep the discussion focused on the problem at hand. Bringing up irrelevant past gripes can unsettle the conversation and cause resentment. Arguments must address the present matter instead of rehashing unresolved matters. 

– Use ‘I’ statements. Rather than placing blame on your partner, express your feelings as your own experiences. For instance, say, I feel upset when.” instead of, “You always upset me.” This method has been found to lessen defensiveness and create a more productive conversation. 

– Actively listen. Attempt to sincerely hear what your partner has to say without immediately constructing a counterargument in your head. Active listening includes recognising your partner’s feelings and perspective. Phrases like “I hear you” or “I understand”, as simple as they may be, could be life-changing, moving the argument away from confrontation to conversation. 

– Regulate your emotions. Stay calm and do not let your anger frame the entire conversation. According to Dr Wolf, projecting anger can push your partner further away or make them fight back, with neither resolving the issue. Concentrate instead on sharing your feelings steadily and take responsibility for your own emotions. 

Resolving conflicts with healthy arguing can help to avoid long-term resentment and even improve your own self-awareness. When you and your partner work through conflict productively, you deepen your understanding of each other and yourself. 

A study by San Francisco-based clinical psychologist Dr Andrea Zorbas discovered that couples who argued effectively were happier in their relationships. They were able to pinpoint the persistent issues in their arguments and could address the conflict at hand as well as the underlying matters that drove their emotions. 

Ultimately, not every matter can be completely resolved, and that is normal. The most important thing is to address conflict with a clear mind, ready to learn and adapt. Healthy arguments are about expressing yourself, listening actively and finding common ground. Arguments should not be thought of as a way to change your partner, but rather to grow with them. When partners understand this, they can steer through disagreements in a way that strengthens the relationship rather than weakening it.  

Five tips for healthy arguing 

1. Listen actively and try to see things from your partner’s perspective. 

2. Avoid bringing up unrelated past issues. 

3. Take a break if things get too heated. 

4. Try to understand the real reason you’re angry. 

5. Always aim for resolution and mutual understanding, not winning. 

Words by Leah Dennis
Illustration: Gallo/Getty Images 

The post How to argue well in relationships appeared first on TFG Media.

Increasingly, every aspect of life seems to happen from behind a screen – work’s in there, and right next to that little flame icon is your banking app, favourite food delivery services, your calculator, calendar and period tracker. It’s not giving romance – and if the dreariness isn’t enough, just click over to Netflix for stories of scammers, toxic exes, catfishers and creeps.  

Amy Glover, a clinical psychologist at The Lighthouse Arabia, nails it: “Online dating practices have become familiar and normalised. The way in which traditional courting practices have adapted to the online format can make the experience feel rushed and artificial.” She shares that browsing through faces and profiles online can lead to feelings of disconnection as well as overstimulation.  

If disconnected is just how you’re feeling, and one face on a screen is starting to look much like all the others as you swipe left and right, it might be time to delete the apps: put your own face out there to be dazzled by dating in real life. Here’s your guide to getting out and turning sparks into fire.   

IT’S EASY TO FAKE CONFIDENCE ONLINE BUT FEELING IT IRL MEANS ACTIVELY DEVELOPING IT

IRL dating begins at home  

Sex educator and 5 FM radio presenter Leah Jazz believes active real-life dating is an excuse to fall in love with yourself. “Make a list of the things that make you wonderful to date, and a list of things you’d like to improve on,” she says. “This way, the dating process becomes a way to increase confidence, grow communication skills and build self-esteem. It’s easy to fake confidence online but feeling it IRL (in real life) means actively developing it.” For anyone who’s felt that dating can be demoralising, this is a powerful way to flip that sentiment on its head. Even if the date doesn’t work out, you’ll still leave feeling better than before.  

Back to basics  

Mike Brits, the owner of Baikt Ceramics in Cape Town, knows a thing or two about turning up the heat with some clay and chemistry at his queer singles’ pottery nights. “Lean into the awkwardness of meeting strangers for the first time, and don’t take it too seriously,” he advises. “It could seem like an uphill battle trying to meet people IRL, but I’d approach dating in the same way I’d approach making new friends – see if you vibe and take it from there.” Why not try an activity that’s always intrigued you and meet some new people in the process?   

Authenticity & connection  

“Dating will always require openness and curiosity within yourself and about another, connecting with others will always involve some risk of putting oneself out there,” says Amy. “These aspects are still the case when dating in real life and although there may be risks, there is also the opportunity for great rewards.” Stepping away from the apps and into the real world can be daunting, but it’s a journey worth taking. By focusing on building genuine connections and embracing serendipity, you will  find that love can truly blossom in unexpected places. Take a leap of faith, flaunt who you are and take a step outside of  your comfort zone.  

By: Cher Petersen 
Photography: Getty Images 

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