There are more than 7.9 billion people in the world with just as many differences. How do we navigate our way through race, culture and religion in interracial relationships?

As South Africans, we pride ourselves on being a ‘rainbow nation’ – with a vast array of different people with different cultures, traditions, religions and languages coexisting. In this melting pot of a world, the views around interracial relationships have changed; media and travel have naturally blurred those stark differences we were made to believe, and instead we now focus on similarities. We now see others as people that like the same music, food, places and cat videos as us. But we might still not be sure if we’re doing the right thing when we’re in an interracial relationship.

Learn about each other’s culture, religion and language

One of the most amazing things about interracial relationships is that you learn more about other cultures, religions and languages, and how they shape the other person’s life and beliefs. Because there are differences in these areas, stay open-minded and invite the other person to express themselves and let yourself be expressed. For example, my Indian friend (let’s call her Kate) teaches me – a Cape Malay – about Diwali and their wedding celebrations. I teach her words like ‘kanala’ (which means ‘please’) and about Ramadan. Allow the other person to ask questions and learn more about what makes each of you you.

Be true to your own individuality

In any relationship, being true to yourself is key, and in an interracial relationship, respecting the other person’s value of their ethnicity, too. For a healthy relationship, both parties need to be free to be themselves and to be accepting. This can sometimes be tricky, especially given some religious practices, but finding common ground, understanding and having mutual respect are strong foundations. Make it a point to learn about each other’s background, upbringing, and perspectives.

Discuss and understand

What’s the one thing we always get told in a relationship? Communication is key. Have open conversations about race, religion and culture that may present challenges. Speak about your differences, how each of you grew up, what experiences you’ve had so that you can have more awareness about the impact and importance of these things going forward. It’s better to know than to wonder, and these conversations create better ways to understand, empathise and communicate with each other.

Educate and find supportive people

Whether it’s a friendship or a romantic partnership, the reality is that you might not get support from certain relatives and friends. Find the people who are going to support you and who won’t need an explanation for a simple human connection you’ve made. More so, don’t shy away, but educate those around you about the multi-cultural, -racial, -traditional, -lingual world we live in. This starts by understanding your partner or friend and building trust and acceptance, which you can shine on to those around you. In the end, we live in the 21st century, and making those racist or anti-jokes are not okay anymore.

You’re different but the same

Even though Kate and I come from two different religions, traditions and cultures, we still have a jolly good time when we’re together. We studied together, we have friends of similar cultures and religions, we have similar interests, and we love our friends and family. We forget about the societal ‘stuff’ that may separate us. Sometimes people may look at your relationship and frown, or be a little confused or uncomfortable, but you really shouldn’t have to defend your relationship. Instead, focus on loving each other.  

Words by Saadiqah Schroeder
Photography: cottonbro: on PEXELS