Navigating a relationship under scrutiny can be tough. Here’s how to keep all the external interference under control

Romantic relationships, like everything else in life, require constant work and attention. As much as we would like to believe that relationships are like our favourite romcoms, the truth is that, often, we’re only shown the couple’s meet-cute, but not how they continue to work at their relationship to stay together. Once you’re in a relationship, how do you maintain that bond with your partner when it feels as if your parents, friends and even social media followers all have an opinion about it?

COMMUNICATE OPENLY
You’ve probably heard this one relationship rule a dozen times before, but there is no denying that transparent, honest and safe communication is the foundation of any good relationship. And deep down we all know how instrumental it is to maintain a healthy bond between you and your partner, but it’s another thing altogether to execute it. Talk to your partner and make sure you understand their needs. A most essential part of your communication is listening, so remain fully present when your partner is speaking, instead of daydreaming and impatiently waiting for your turn to speak. Communicating openly not only helps with understanding their needs, but it also assists in managing their expectations of the relationship. If you have an issue with your partner, address it with them head-on.

KEEP A LOW (ONLINE) PROFILE
Though it may seem like quite a therapeutic way to deal with your relationship troubles at the time, it’s a really bad idea to air your dirty laundry on your social media. For one, your partner isn’t getting a say in how they are portrayed online, and by typing up a rage-fuelled Twitter thread, you open yourself up to receive unwanted judgement, and may just leave your followers feeling like they’re entitled to have an opinion on your private life. Online content is often easily taken out of context and blown out of proportion because it’s difficult to elaborate or provide another side to the story. Respect your partner enough to not put them in a bad light. Rather create a private blog to express yourself.

DON’T INVOLVE  OTHER PEOPLE
Whether it’s simply expressing your mild annoyance about something your partner did to a relative, or a bit of an overshare with friends over glasses of wine, it goes without saying that what transpires between you and your love should stay private. It’s all too easy to provide an executive summary of your latest spat and compare notes the next time one of your friends is complaining about their own partner, but make an effort not to add to the conversation if it’s venturing into negative territory. Despite it being a good release of pent-up steam at the time, your friends and family are only hearing your side of the story and are far more likely to only remember the negative things, leading them to jump to conclusions about how your partner is treating you. You’ll probably have forgotten it by the following week, but your family and friends will find it harder to forget, as they’ll have your best interests at heart. Always try to work it out with your partner first, and if you can’t, get help from an objective party, such as a couples or marriage counsellor. Friends and family are great to have around when you need advice and support, but, at the end of the day, you must always keep in mind that the only two people who can really make a relationship work are you and your partner. Love each other, respect each other and support each other. 

Words by Emma Follet-Botha
Photography: Courtesy Images