We’ve all heard the phrase ‘Before you can love someone else, you need to learn to love yourself’ a little too much for our liking. But there’s some truth to this saying outside of what we see in rom-coms and chick flicks.  

Love Thyself  

Focusing on self-love is more than just doing something fun on a day you feel like not doing anything at all. Self-love is about tackling a few simple tasks that can genuinely have a positive impact on your body, not only physically, but mentally too.  

When you are kind to yourself, you reduce your stress levels, and you become more energised. This boosts your body’s ability to produce mood-enhancing serotonin, which leads to increased happiness and, in many cases, an improved sense of self-worth and physical health. But it’s hard to start showing self-love when you’re used to putting everyone else first. It’s not that your loved one’s needs aren’t important, it’s that your needs are too!  

Fill Your Tank  

It doesn’t help that pop culture reinforces the idea that romantic love is the only way to feel valued. How many times have you watched a movie in which a woman flounders until she falls in love, or fumbles love and throws herself into her work?  

‘You can be happy and find affirmation whether you are single or in a committed relationship,’ says Robyn Smith, a clinical psychologist who has been in private practice in Cape Town for 17 years. ‘But what matters in any scenario is you — not the external validation,’ adds Robyn, who affirms that we all find validation in different ways.  

‘There’s an important distinction between the self-love linked to getting your nails done and the self-love that helps you figure out what fills your tank,’ she notes. ‘Self-love is actually about what gives you more capacity to manage your life in a sustainable way. That is where you will realise the value in yourself, and where you will find the ability to keep going.’  

Practise Words Of Affirmation  

‘You are kind. You are smart. You are important.’ Words of self-affirmation are a method of empowering yourself. Mantras that remind you of your positive traits can be included in your daily routine in written or spoken phrases.  

This is often done through either written or spoken words, such as ‘I am enough’ or ‘I don’t need to be perfect’. These self-affirmations can restore self-competence and allow you to reflect on your sources of self-worth, such as your core values.  

It’s only natural to feel shy when you first try this out. But once you feel the positive influence of speaking kinder words to yourself, you will wonder what was so unlovable in the first place. 

Take Our 28-Day Self-Love Challenge

This month of love, take our 28-day of self-love challenge. There is a different task for you to complete each day – if you have a setback, don’t worry! Pick yourself up again and go,go,go! 

Words by Saadiqah Schroeder
Illustration: Adobe Stock