Find the balance when doing, business with those you know…
Years ago, going into business with one of my nearest and dearests almost destroyed our friendship and derailed our relationship for quite some time. It highlighted just about every red flag in terms of working with someone you know well. We were ill-prepared for the strain it placed on our personal connection.
Part of that had to do with expectations. We assumed that the extraordinary bond we shared as friends would somehow ease the stresses and strains of entering a new form of commerce. Instead, it exacerbated every problem we encountered and brought up parts of ourselves we didn’t know existed.
We avoided talking about minor hurdles, thinking they’d somehow magically go away. Instead, each of those tiny snags compounded the others until eventually they erupted into a major conflict. It was an unmitigated disaster, and we were both relieved when we dissolved our business partnership and went back to simply being friends.
Our business might have survived if only we’d paid more attention, and if we’d gotten some advice instead of ignoring common sense because we thought our friendship was enough to power us through the difficulties. It seldom is. Anyone who has watched Succession knows that when it comes to business, nobody, not even family, is immune to work-related conflict. Never mind the pressure such conflict places on the personal relationships of the individuals involved. In the interests of saving a few friendships, here is some advice for navigating a workplace relationship with friends.
1. Get it off your chest
Regular and open communication goes a long way in preserving your friendship while enabling your working life to prosper. Make a point of raising concerns – whether about an emotion, a feeling, a sensitivity or an actual flare-up – as soon as they arise and have an agreement in place that you will talk through such issues rather than allowing them to become bottled up. If you are in a business partnership, have routine ‘dirty laundry airing sessions’ to discuss and resolve potential conflicts before they spiral out of control.
Talk about the tiniest obstacles, get stuff off your chest, share openly and remind yourselves that you are doing so to honour your friendship, not because you want to shift blame or point fingers. The sooner you iron out the little stuff, the quicker you’ll be able to get back to the business of, well, doing business – without weird unspoken heaviness hanging over your heads.
2. Set boundaries
Humans are complicated creatures who are prone to muddling our interactions with the people we spend our time with. However, it is useful to set boundaries in the workplace and to maintain a professionalism that keeps things respectful and avoids ambiguity. Besides maintaining workplace decorum, boundaries help let everyone know what their roles are and what they’re responsible for. When a personal relationship interferes with ‘office dynamics’ it can become messy, with some unable to distinguish between their role at work and in their relationships with colleagues outside the office.
If your friendship with a colleague is likely to undermine workplace professionalism, put steps in place to prevent stepping over the line – have some agreed-upon rules to maintain crucial boundaries. And do whatever it takes to keep emotional baggage between yourself and your colleagues out of the office.
3. Be flexible
In a business partnership, it might be worth outlining your individual role and responsibilities – verbally or in writing – so that you don’t step on each other’s toes. In fact, anything that is likely to cause a dispute or disagreement (no matter how mild) is worth discussing in advance, and having a plan of action should a hiccup arise. Have an agreement in place that keeps things civil, formal and professional when you’re at work.
It’ll help if you acknowledge that neither of you is perfect, so mistakes can and will happen. And know, too, that change is inevitable. As your business evolves, so will you, your partner and the dynamics between you. It helps to be flexible and be prepared to renegotiate the terms of your business relationship – and your individual responsibilities – at some point. Be open to change and keep the channels of communication open.
4. Level up
Since every business is ultimately about people, the most important skill you need to develop is your ability to connect with others. Can you show other people that you value them and that their contributions are meaningful? Can you always maintain an open mind? Can you listen to others’ opinions and ideas, and have respect for them? All of these basic people skills will make you a better colleague and benefit your relationship with the people you work alongside, including business partners who happen to be friends.
The trick is to exhibit the same human virtues in the workplace as you would at a braai: be decent, kind and empathetic. But avoid idle chit-chat and gossip, refrain from talking negatively about co-workers, and hold back on criticising and bad-mouthing. Make your colleagues feel good about themselves and their work – whether they’re friends or not.
5. Be professional
Ironically, one of the dangers when working with friends is that your personal familiarity impedes on your ability to show them the same respect and professional courtesy as you might show strangers. Because you played tennis with Sihle on Saturday, you end up speaking to him as though you’re still on the court on Monday. Or, because Sihle beat you at tennis, you shut him out during the office meeting on Tuesday. That’s unprofessional.
You need to figure out a way of leaving the weekend behind; your after-work activities should have no bearing on the way you behave when you’re in the office. The rule of thumb is to treat everyone at work with the same level of professionalism and respect. No undue favours, no taking liberties, no dismissive tone. If you consistently rub your friendship with one colleague in the faces of other colleagues, you will quickly see people turn against you. Aim for balance at work by engaging on equal terms with everyone across the board. So, don’t talk shop on the tennis court – and don’t discuss your tennis game at the office.
6. Do the work
Slacking off at work is not cool, and even less so when your friend who is also your business partner or colleague witnesses your slackness. We assume our friends have our back and that they will defend us, but it’s unfair to expect blind respect from a colleague when you’re undeserving of that respect. Expecting your friends at the office to overlook your failings can place strain on those friendships. You should aspire to do your best not in spite of having friends in the office with you, but because they are your friends, and you want them to see you at your best.
The clearest strategy is to consistently work on yourself and to make it your goal to work to the same high standard that you expect from others – in this way, you will undoubtedly elevate the work ethos throughout the office.
7. Nurture your friendship
One side effect of working with a friend is that because you see each other all day, every day, your friendship can start to slide. To prevent your professional relationship from devouring your friendship, set aside meaningful time together outside the office. Schedule genuine ‘no office talk’ socialising time and be sure to do some of the things you did together before you became work mates – just remember that talking about work is verboten while you’re out and about and meant to be having fun. Remember that, as with marriage, friendships are worth working on, so put in the effort and the time. Good friendships are rare and vital, so don’t let them evaporate because of a job.
8. Cultivate friendships through work
As much as you should keep it strictly professional at the office, don’t shut your colleagues out. You might, once in a while, want to ask co-workers for feedback – for them to openly and honestly tell you if you are working to a high-enough standard, and if there’s anything they feel you could do to improve.
Letting your colleagues know that you value their impression of you is an excellent way to build their trust and also to let them know that they’re valued, and that as much as you’re a co-worker, you are also a human being worthy of their friendship.
9. Plan for the worst
If marriages that turn sour can end with ‘conscious uncoupling’, then friendships rocked by unpleasant work or business experiences needn’t be ruined. One strategy to prevent an existing friendship from being torn apart by a rocky business relationship is to lay out an exit strategy in advance. Discuss – before getting into business with your friend – how you’ll dissolve or end the working partnership should it start to fracture.
Make a decision in advance about how money will be divided and put into words an agreement about how the end will play out. Keep in mind that if working together threatens to destroy your friendship and your business, you might as well sacrifice the business and save the friendship. Be clear about how this will work: that if your business relationship turns murky, you will relinquish it rather than see your friendship destroyed as well.
Talking shop:
How to resolve work issues with friends who are colleagues
1. When you talk, stay calm and be reasonable; don’t point fingers and make accusations. Remember that you’re friends, and that friends love and respect one another.
2. Be civil and use positive and reassuring language when you talk things through. Try to build up your friend rather than break them down.
3. Look for a solution rather than pointing fingers when there’s a problem.
4. And listen. Make a point of trying to really understand what is upsetting your friend. Accept what feedback they have to offer and be grateful for it, rather than flying off the handle and being defensive.
5. When a friend points out a fault they’ve identified, keep in mind that it can take courage to speak about it. Be thankful for the feedback and ask for advice about how you can improve. Every time you discuss a work issue, consider it an opportunity to both improve your business and strengthen your friendship.
6. Make a point of always shaking hands, maybe even hugging, and perhaps celebrating in some small way after your conversation. Create a way of always reminding yourselves that you are – above all else – friends. Remember to be grateful for your friendship, which is a unique and incredible thing and not worth destroying over a work matter.
By: Keith Bain
Photography by: Gallo/Getty images
