Killing them with kindness doesn’t always work when it comes to your job, so to avoid getting disrespected here are 7 phrases to stop using at work.
Whether it’s starting a new job, transferring to a new department, or trying to get on the good side of an employer or co-worker, we can often be guilty of being ‘too nice’ or overly apologetic. ‘Typically people who are very apologetic or are always saying sorry are people who are eager to please others and be liked,’ says Penny Holburn, personal coach and owner of Penny Holburn Coaching. This may not always be a bad thing. After all, we do want to ensure that we are considered reliable, but the problem arises when we use apologetic or overly polite language too much. Speaking with self-doubt means that those around us will doubt our competency and capabilities, too. In the book Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, author Dr Lois Frankel says to ‘separate being liked and getting what you deserve’, by rewording a request into a polite statement about what is needed. This overcautious choice of words or speech comes from a fear of judgement, trying to maintain the well-being of others and a self-doubt – but that does not mean it can’t be helped. We spoke to Penny about a few common phrases we use at work, and how we can rephrase them to sound more confident.
1. ‘Sorry, but…’
Many of us are guilty of using ‘sorry’ even if we haven’t made an error.‘We hope that by saying sorry we will placate the person and not have them shout back at us,’ Penny says. But using sorry before a message makes you seem lacking in confidence – only apologise if you’ve done something wrong. If the person is busy, say ‘Excuse me, when you are done, I need to speak with you’, but if they’re not busy, simply say what needs to be said.
2. ‘I think/feel like…’
Similar to ‘I’m not sure, but…’, this phrase makes you seem uncertain, hesitant and non-credible. We use this as a means of an ‘out’ if things go wrong, but it actually only makes you look unsure of yourself, and others will doubt your knowledge. Unless it is the purpose of discussion – such as a more informal setting – state what you want to state, says Penny. If it’s a setting where you need to say what you know, say it!
3. ‘Does that make sense?’
Sometimes we use this phrase because we want to be certain our points are coherent and understood. But, according to Penny, this phrase can be interpreted as 1) you do not believe what you are saying, 2) you think your audience is dense. Instead, ask if there are any questions or comments. This way you seem sure of yourself, and approachable for any concerns.
4. ‘I just…’
We often use this when speaking to someone higher-ranking – they are more ‘important’, and so we don’t want to be pushy. But people can become irritated and short if they feel you may not be getting to the point, says Penny. Leave out the filler words – you can still be respectful without being apologetic.
5. ‘I’ll try…’
‘I’ll try my best to complete it’ or ‘I’ll try to get it to you by then’ sends a message that you are unsure of your capabilities and are unable to complete a task. This is often due to not wanting to commit to something of which we feel inadequate. Instead, use ‘I will do it. If I get stuck I will come and ask for advice’, or simply saying ‘no’ as alternate ways to respond to a task that seems too daunting. Or if work you’re not responsible for is dumped on you, suggests Penny.
6. ‘Let me know’
Using this phrase may seem friendly and accommodating, but it doesn’t allow an actual solution. We unconsciously assume that the receiver understands our thought process, but this phrase is arbitrary, meaning that people will forget and likely not ‘let you know’. Give the recipient a deadline. Penny gives the example of saying ‘Let me know by Friday morning this week what you want to do’, and to make clear that if they are not heard from by that date, they have decided to agree/disagree.This way you can move on, and not have a nail-biting week awaiting a response.
7. ‘No problem!’
We tend to think that an upbeat ‘No problem!’ at the end of an email will be friendly. If used in response to something that happened and you don’t mind, it’s acceptable. But if you use it to respond to a compliment on a ‘job well done’ instead of ‘you’re welcome’ or ‘thank you’, you may be unconsciously undermining your achievement. Some people also view a response of ‘no problem’ as there having been a problem with the task delegated in the first place, leading to annoyance. Say ‘you’re welcome’ when someone offers you thanks or praise. Saying ‘thank you’ acknowledges your achievement and is not undermining. Also be sure to not appear biased towards certain tasks in your responses – you won’t exactly say ‘no problem!’ if your boss presents a huge task. Communication is key in any relationship, and we tell other people who we are by the way we talk. ‘If we are confident and sure of ourselves, then other people tend to think we are capable and competent,’ says Penny. Build confidence within yourself, say less and be direct. Speak as if you truly believe in what you are saying.
Words by Saadiqah Schroeder
Photography: Pexels
