We’ve all had our fair share of office politics, hair pulling and downright cattish behaviour in the behaviour. But how do we know if we are the drama queens?
Do you feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of arguments, cold shoulders and then having to deal with others’ sad feelings against your will? This is probably because you’re stuck in what is called The Drama Triangle by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman. Back in 1968, Karpman developed a theory about how constant conflict relates to our inner dialogues, and that these inner dialogues occur as three different personas: The Victim (always sorry for themselves), The Rescuer (tries to help or save) and The Persecutor (the bully). When we’re stuck in this triangle, we go through a loop of assuming each of these personas as the drama continues. Here’s how to know when you’re the cause of it.
YOU USE AGE AND POSITION TO OVERPOWER
Has anyone in your office circle ever called you a Boomer? Or perhaps said, “You’re SUCH a Millennial”? Then you’re probably using your age or status to cause conflict. If you feel that you can use your position or years of experience to push someone else down, you’re likely to assume the role of the Persecutor. But if you find you want to challenge those who are older, more experienced but strongly opinionated, you’re the Rescuer.
YOU NEVER SHOW ACCOUNTABILITY
A simple term for throwing others under the bus is ‘gaslighting’. Coming from the 1938 British play (a woman rightfully suspects her neighbour to be a thief in the night but is told she is hearing sounds from the kitchen gaslight) this behaviour is when you just won’t accept that You. Were. Wrong. This gives you the role of the Persecutor.
YOU ALWAYS THINK YOUR PROBLEMS ARE WORSE
Yes, we all have deadlines. Yes, we’re all stressed out. If you are always trying to one-up the next person in the ‘I am SO Busy’ department, then you’re playing the Victim role. When you react to everything from an emotional standpoint, you blur the lines between professionalism and personal agenda.
YOU PUSH PEOPLE’S BOUNDARIES
Calling your colleague at 12am to help you with a project or crossing the lines between personal and professional behaviour means that you’re a Grade A boundary pusher. This causes your colleagues to be weary of you, walk on eggshells and be constantly anxious of your reactions. You assume the role of either Persecutor or Victim, resulting in your co-workers becoming one of the three roles themselves.
YOU OVERREACT
Sometimes, people just want to let their opinions out into the world. But if that’s not okay on your watch and you need to turn everything into a debate, then you missed your calling as a haberdasher. Pushing someone’s buttons feeds into becoming a gaslighter too, since the victim of your unsolicited banter will retaliate, and you might shrug it off as “What’s their deal?”. Or you may turn into the person who victimises themselves when asked their opinion… Now the triangle is never ending.
HOW TO END THE TRIANGULAR CYCLE
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem; you’re a drama queen. But that doesn’t mean you need to pull a full 180° to becoming the most boring person. Drama is inevitable – it comes with being human. But communicating, accepting that we’re all different and that we all have valid opinions and emotions will spur you to break the triangle. No drama for this llama!
Words by: Saadiqah Schroeder
