Make this the time you realise ambitions both big and small. How? It’s all about sparking a breakthrough!
There are many reasons we don’t follow through on our goals, dreams and ambitions. Often, it’s a complex combination of fear and self-limiting beliefs. These are four of the key reasons we should be aware of, and how to deal with them.
Fear of failure
“I’d love to write a novel but I’m scared it’ll turn out to be rubbish.” “I dream of running a marathon, but I’m worried my body just won’t make it and I will fail to finish.” These types of thoughts are common.
To move forward, to take the leap, we need to stop seeing the world in terms of ‘success’ and ‘failure’. It’s hard when we’ve been brought up to believe we’re ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, we’ve ‘passed’ or ‘failed’. We should do something because we love it or have an inner drive to do it, regardless of the outcome.
If your motivation is good and it comes from your soul or your spirit (rather than your ego, which wants praise and recognition from others), then ‘success’ or ‘failure’ won’t come into it. You’ll write because you love to, or you’ll run because it makes you feel fantastic. Do it for the journey, not the destination.
We should do something because we love it or have an inner drive to do it, regardless of the outcome.
But what if…?
“…Following my passion means I neglect my real job, get fired and end up poor and destitute?”
“I’d love to try internet dating but what if I meet a psychopath?” Many of us scare ourselves out of doing what we would love to do by skipping straight to the worst-case scenario. The key is noticing when you do this and understanding why.
What purpose does it serve you? It gets you off the hook and lets you stay in the security of your familiar routine. But what are the other consequences? It traps you and stops you moving forward. So, when you next find yourself dreaming up catastrophic fantasies, force yourself to take a reality check.
What’s the statistical likelihood? Unleash your inner Devi Sankaree Govender and question yourself! How many people who bake cakes on the side end up having their house repossessed?
How many thousands of divorcees have found fun and company and even love online? Silence your ‘what ifs’ and take a small step forward instead.
Dodging conflict
A friend has acted badly behind your back. It’s eating at you, but you don’t want to get into a fight… Your teenager isn’t working for their exams – you’re worried sick but say nothing… Successfully dodging conflict means we also avoid sorting out our problems.
In fact, we allow them to worsen as resentment builds. It can also send out a message that you are prepared to tolerate bad behaviour. Resolve to act now. Keep calm, use a neutral tone, and don’t attack or defend.
Question and listen: “I don’t know if this is true, but I heard that you said X. Can we talk about what’s going on?” Then clarify – reflect on what you’ve heard: “So you’re feeling frustrated about X?” Acknowledge the problem from both perspectives and focus on solving it.
Seek inspiration
Don’t get sucked in by pessimists; the people who tell you that your business will fail/the planet is dying/internet dating is full of danger… Instead, find people who have gotten where you want to be. Talk to people selling at the local craft market – how have they done it? Read inspiring books and autobiographies. Find the success stories. They did it, so why not you?
Inner pessimist
“There’s no point going for that promotion. I’d never get it.” “I’d love to throw a big birthday party, but it would be a disaster.” Making changes can be close to impossible when your inner pessimist has the upper hand.
Interestingly, our attitude to life has little to do with our actual life experiences – pessimists and optimists face the same challenges, they just interpret them differently. To change your attitude, it’s crucial that you catch negative thoughts as they happen.
Think of an alternative view and reflect on the lessons– it can help to write it down: “I didn’t get the promotion, but I learned a lot during the process and really raised my profile. The whole experience has taught me X, Y, Z.”
Likewise, if you hear yourself explaining something negatively, pause and reword it with a more optimistic interpretation. When someone else uses a pessimistic explanation, suggest an alternative one.
Words by: Anne Moore
Photography: Gallo/Getty Images
Also read: Silence your inner critic
