New year and an improved version of you, with self-kind habits driving true progress. 

Before you post that picture flexing on Insta with your caption “New Year New Me”, let’s talk real-talk. The desire to implement your New Year’s resolutions can feel thrilling and filled with hope and possibility. However, these high-pressure expectations can be unrealistic, causing you to lose the momentum you had when you started working towards them.  

Unsurprisingly, your brain reacts better to small, kinder thoughts — maintaining your sanity as you work on achievable goals. This isn’t because you can’t handle the pressure of ambition, but rethinking how to achieve your ambitious goals in a manageable way. There are psychology-backed, gentle (but effective) ways to set kinder goals to grow in whatever sphere you aim to without crashing and burning.  

Big rebrands can backfire 

Personal rebranding has given us agency to transform our identities on impulse, and every new year there’s a strong pull to reinvent ourselves. This pressure may fuel some, but often sets us up for failure because of unrealistic expectations. Resolutions like “I’ll never eat sugar again” or “I’ll hit the gym every day” tend to be too rigid if you’re starting anew. Experts warn that resolutions with words like ‘always’, ‘never’ or ‘every’ are red flags. 

These unclear and rigid goals are not only unrealistic but end up making us feel overwhelmed by failure – leading to inevitable feelings of shame and negative self-talk, which tend to trigger avoidance, procrastination or giving up entirely.  

The solution is rather starting the year off strong with building blocks that enhance your ambitions so that you can keep climbing upwards.  

One step at a time  

1 Start with self-compassion, not shame 

When you treat yourself like a human, not a machine, you create a safer space for growth. Research shows that self-compassionate people:  

• bounce back more easily from setbacks; 
• are more likely to re-engage with goals after slipping; 
• maintain motivation over time because they don’t tie their worth to every fault. When you ‘fail’, instead of criticising yourself, take a mental-health break. Time spent resting helps to recognise your hurt feelings, then you can offer yourself kindness and refocus on where to go from there. 

2 Practise your goals  

Rather than setting goals based on expected outcomes like “I want to lose 10kg”, say “I will walk 30 minutes three times a week”. Instead of something general like “I’ll be more productive”, try “I’ll spend 20 focused minutes on a specific project without checking my phone.” Also, combining your habits with your goals is helpful.

Pair a new practice with something you already do. Like, “As soon as I’ve made coffee, I’ll write a few sentences in my journal.” This shift towards action instead of expectation makes your goals tangible and manageable.  

3 Celebrate small wins 

Your brain loves positive feedback. Had a walk? Showed up to gym? Journalled? Celebrate that. Positive self-talk may seem cringe, but it triggers dopamine and reinforces your way of thinking about achieving goals. So don’t wait for that big transformation to say “You did that!”  

4 Be flexible 

A gentle way of setting achievable goals is to allow room for change, because you’re allowed to switch things up. Some weeks you’ll do amazing in reaching your goal, others you’ll be less motivated — and that’s okay. To stay consistent, you can schedule ‘check-ins’ monthly or every few months just to see what’s working and what isn’t, and rework it. This is not failure, it’s growth.  

5 Tap into a support system  

You don’t need to do it alone. And you don’t need to do it scared. Turning towards friends by sharing your small goals with them is a way to stay accountable. Successful people rely on their friends to stick beside them.  

The payoff  

By mid-year, you won’t cart about the failed goals because you’ll have built habits, confidence, curiosity and a kinder relationship with yourself You’ll be more resilient when life gets messy because you’re not building a castle on perfection, but one built on consistency and self-trust. Before you know it, you will have grown into the person you were manifesting back in January.  

But change does take time. And yes, you won’t be flawless, nor will the journey be glamorous. But psychology suggests that small, considerate, realistic shifts are way more sustainable than nerve-racking dramatic leaps.  

So, this January (or whenever you choose to begin — because time is just a construct), your best move may be to move forward gently, take baby steps and adjust what doesn’t work. And please remember to celebrate yourself more often — life is too short not to.  

Press play on  your growth  with podcasts  

• After School is After School with Gugulethu Nyatsumba 
• Soul Salon with Ayandastood
• Mirror Talk: Soulful Conversations with Tobi Ojekunle
• Mindvalley with Vishen Lakhiani
• Self Obsessed with Tam Kaur

Words: Claudia Da Silva
Photography: Pexels

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