Are things looking bleak with bae? It may be time to remove those pink, rose-tinted glasses and pay attention to the red flags. Breaking these toxic habits could potentially save your relationship…

By now you may be well aware that relationships are about communication, mutual respect and compromise. Maybe you have read that article, heard the podcast, and even watched multiple TED Talks. Messages about how to successfully relate to others can be found everywhere. Even the bad habits are obvious to us: Don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t dominate. But what about the obscure habits – the ones that tiptoe in and slowly become toxic?

INSECURITY
Do you stalk his exes online, or scroll through her phone when she is in the shower? It’s time to seriously consider what this constant need for reassurance says about you or your relationship. For you, this secretive behaviour is breaking – not building – trust, which is one of the cornerstones of a successful relationship. Besides, it puts you in a constant state of paranoia and doubt. If you’re overly suspicious that they are hiding something, then this red flag needs to be addressed head-on.
Break the habit: Sit down and have a mature discussion with your partner; don’t sulk and stew

PASSIVE-AGGRESSION
Do you ever glare at your partner and answer with a tight-lipped ‘I’m fine’, even when you are not? Bottling up all your feelings and expecting your significant other to spontaneously and accurately pinpoint the source of your sensitivity is not fair. Build a relationship where you both feel safe expressing yourself – without judgement or criticism. It’s not always about laying blame, but also understanding the triggers that lead you there.
Break the habit: Flag the ‘nerve’ the moment it is touched, and deal with it promptly (if the time allows).

COMPLACENCY
Are you comfortable in your relationship, or could it be that you’re complacent? Complacency has an ability to disguise itself as contentedness, which means you do what is required to maintain your relationship, and don’t nurture it. Push beyond what is routine, and seek new ways of knowing and loving each other. Try to remember that people are changeable beings, which means that their relationships should be able to absorb shocks and challenges too.
Break the habit: Don’t wait for your partner to initiate sexual intimacy – or even affection, for that matter.

EMOTIONAL CO-DEPENDENCY
Does your life revolve around keeping your boyfriend happy? Is your girlfriend solely responsible for how you feel? Blaming your partner for all of your moods will start creating an unhealthy co-dependency that will result in you losing yourself. You are two unique people
who are enjoying a mutually supportive relationship; you are not and cannot be one emotional being. Depending on your partner this way will only open you up to resentment and possibly even emotional blackmail.
Break the habit: Don’t rely on your partner to feel good about yourself. Separate your emotional states and rather embrace your differences.

COMPARISON
Do you often watch other couples and then compare your relationship with theirs? As fun as it may be to laugh with friends about relationship similarities and differences, ultimately what you’re building with your partner is the only one of its kind. Also, bear in mind that what you see as better (or worse) is never the whole picture.
Break the habit: Don’t compare, create: Identify an area within your partnership that needs improvement, and make the necessary changes. 

Words by Ciska Thurman