While some people respond to a cancer diagnosis with optimism and hope, for most it is a scary and anxious time that tests relationships in new ways
When someone has cancer, it affects the whole family. All families are different, and each will respond differently when someone they love is diagnosed with a serious condition, but there are some similarities and generalised advice that can help you navigate the illness or treatment regimes of a loved one, or even a friend. Supporting a loved one through a diagnosis such as cancer – and the treatment or prognosis – can take its toll on everyone involved, but it can also bring loved ones closer as they navigate the journey together. In this
article, we explore ways to support a loved one while respecting their boundaries and space.
We also look at the importance of keeping yourself level and healthy when the emotions become overwhelming. You will experience many emotions on this journey, but healthy communication and educating yourself will help you feel empowered and more in control. It is important to be honest with each other about how you feel and turn to organisations and structures offering support if you need extra help.
Meet Linda Greeff
Linda, an Oncology Social worker, specialises in providing psychosocial support to people with cancer and their families from diagnosis to end of life care. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 1987 at the age of 32 and even being a practising oncology social worker, didn’t prepare her for how overwhelmed she’d feel.‘I realised that all my understanding of treatments was no help in dealing with this huge change in my life. I had no idea where to start,’ says Linda. Being a cancer survivor herself, Linda brings a unique perspective and first-hand knowledge of what someone fighting cancer might need and how they can be supported. Linda is also a cancer advocate and an active member of the Cancer Alliance.‘My struggle to come to terms with my cancer took a long time and taught me how important it is to take charge of your own situation.
When you are diagnosed, you need proper information in a language you can understand. You need time to process it so that you can make decisions that are right for you personally. You have to find a way to move from shock, to some level of understanding to cope with the challenges you’ll face. Because it will, without a doubt, be challenging.’Through her own experience Linda found that the emotional impact cancer has on someone is often underestimated. When faced with financial pressure and little acknowledgement of the emotional impact, counselling may be the last thing on your agenda, but focusing on the emotional impact on you and your loved ones is equally as important as the physical changes and challenges that cancer brings.Linda took her experience and created a holistic and integrated approach to cancer care that includes medical and complementary methodology.
‘My therapeutic approach is aimed at normalising your experience as far as possible. It offers a safe place to explore your personal situation and provides an environment that assists in your adjustment to the cancer crisis. Together we develop and individualise a care plan with emphasis on some tools to help you move forward, one step at a time.’Linda offers a variety of individual counselling that aims to support people and families living with cancer, from diagnosis onward. Her services include bereavement counselling, discharge planning for ward patients based in hospitals, palliative and terminal care as well as debriefing for social workers working with trauma, death and loss.She also offers workshops aimed at assisting caregivers and patients during and post-cancer treatment.Linda’s services aim to relieve stress, provide coping skills and improve communication, so that the patient
and family feel supported and prepared.
Meet Lucy Balona
Lucy, Head of Marketing and Communications at Cancer Association of South Africa (CANSA), believes that knowing where to turn to for extra support and communicating effectively makes a big difference in helping a family member through their cancer journey. ‘Honest communication is best, loved ones will see that after chemo and radiation there may be a difficult time ahead for the patient, when they experience unpleasant side effects of treatment. Each person’s body reacts differently, and it is important for loved ones to remember that some of the side effects are longer term and some may never go away,’ she says. Having some idea of what to expect and how you can help a loved one, will go a long way in making them comfortable and keeping their spirits up. Lucy says there is no right or wrong way to support a loved one, but often doing is better than asking when it comes to patient care.
A loved one might try to be strong or not inconvenience you, so start by assisting with simple tasks, so they have more time to take care of themselves without worrying about the family. ‘Don’t always ask what they need, because they might not tell you, just do it. Instead of asking can you make them dinner, say I’ve brought / made you a meal. I’ve arranged for garden services to help out today or I’ll drive you to your next doctor’s appointment,’ she says. ‘You can also spend time together by just knitting, reading or being in the same room with the patient. Even when a cancer patient ‘looks well’ they may be feeling poorly. Tell the patient that you love them and ask them to tell you what they are feeling and how they would like you to help them. Also tell your loved one to have a ‘code word’ to use if you are overstepping boundaries or if they are really not coping.
For example: are you warm enough? Yes. Are you sure? Poodles! (then you know to stop pushing).’ Lucy also reminds families to make time to do things you and your family and especially the patient enjoys doing. Get enough exercise and consume healthy food and drinks. Try to get enough sleep and take breaks when you need to, even if they are short. Most importantly ask and reach out to friends or support groups when you need help.Cancer is never going to be an easy journey, but with so many advancements in medicine and care, it doesn’t have to be a death sentence for your family with the right tools – and the willingness to do your utmost to support them and look after your own well-being.
By Tarren-Lee Habelgaarn
Photography: Pexels, Courtesy Images
