The once-celebrated selfie has officially become a ‘weapon’ in relationships. Who would have thought looking good online could cause a rift between lovers…  

So many questions… How do you feel about your partner posting suggestive pictures on social media? Do you feel proud that the world knows you have someone so attractive in your life? Or are you afraid that showing off online lures in rival suitors? This is a heated topic of discussion that can be awkward, but it’s vital to be on the same page with your significant other.  

Posting sexy pictures (usually gym, beach or poolside shots or ones when fully dressed but ‘looking hot as hell’) on social media has become a thing. Referred to as ‘thirst traps’, everyone may (even unwittingly) have a thirst trap on their timeline that sets their followers into a flurry in the comments section – with some even sliding into the DMs.  

For the person posting, the attention they receive is a fun ego boost because it affirms that they are hot and sexy, and what’s wrong with that? But what if you are in a relationship, should you even be posting thirst traps that will be seen by friends, colleagues, acquaintances and family?  

Oopsie daisy!

In 2023, actor and musician Keke Palmer’s baby daddy, and now ex, Darius Jackson sparked outrage when he disapproved of pictures of her in a sheer black dress over a body suit on Instagram: “It’s the outfit tho… You a mom.”

He later defended his comment on X, saying that as a man, he did not want to see his “wife and mother to his kids showcase booty cheeks to please others”.   

‘Black Twitter’ and Palmer fans responded in support of her right to post the pictures. Jackson eventually deleted all his social media accounts due to the backlash. The story trended, made tabloid headlines and was the subject of heated debates on talk shows and podcasts. 

The attention they receive is a fun ego boost because it affirms that they are hot and sexy, and what’s wrong with that?

The moral of the story is that people tend to have double standards about how men and women are allowed to conduct themselves, including online. On one hand, women should be allowed to dress how they like and flaunt their beauty and physicality. On the other hand, the male gaze and the sexualisation of the female body come into play. A slippery slope…

So, who’s in the wrong? Keke, for showing too much skin when she’s in a relationship and has a child, or Darius for being possessive and wanting her to be more modest and covered up as his partner and a mother? 

Feeling green  

According to a 2020 ‘Dating and Relationships in the Digital Age’ study conducted by Pew Research, 20 percent of people in a relationship are either jealous or unsure of their relationship status because of their partner’s social media activity. Most of them (34 percent) are aged between 18 and 29, and women are more likely to express their disapproval, jealousy or uncertainty than men.   

According to US psychologist Mark Travers, “Navigating the nuances of online interactions is crucial for a healthy relationship. While thirst trapping may evoke a range of emotions, the essence lies in understanding and communicating openly with one’s partner. Ultimately, relationships thrive on mutual respect, trust and empathy. Embracing these values, even in online self-expression, can pave the way for a deeper and more resilient bond between partners.”  

Not everyone is insecure about their partner’s posts. During their two-year relationship, actor Michael Jordan and influencer Lori Harvey both posted thirst traps on their timelines, and often commented under the images: “Mine”, “That’s my baby” or “Sheesh!” And if you scroll under most of the thirst trap images of David Beckham on Instagram, there are cheeky comments from Mrs Beckham (Victoria), who reposts the images on her Stories.  

Mark says the key is to respect your partner’s viewpoint on thirst traps, even if you don’t agree. “If it remains a recurring issue, it might be worth evaluating the core compatibility of your relationship.” If one partner needs emotional security and the other needs instant gratification, then the situation is likely to become toxic – and nobody deserves to be in a relationship that doesn’t serve both parties in healthy ways. 

Words by Thando Pato
Photos: Gallo/Getty Images