They say you can’t put a price on love, but what if you could?
Bride price is a beautiful cultural process into blissful matrimony that’s been celebrated by many Africans for centuries. But let’s explore the real cost of love in the African community…
The practice of the bride price is widespread among different tribes in South Africa. In the Zulu and Xhosa cultures, it is known as i-lobola, while the Basotho and Botswana tribes refer to it as bohadi and bogadi. The relevance of the practice in the 21st century has been a topic of hot debate for many young couples who would like to get married.
Marriage in African communities is still deeply rooted in culture, with the lobola process seen as the first step for those wanting to tie the knot. However, in tough economic times, this tradition comes at great cost – one that many cannot afford.
Love’s cultural duty
African cultural anthropologist Aylward Shorter defined i-lobola as “a legal document signifying that the marriage has taken place and legitimates the children of the union”.
According to cultural experts, there can never be a marriage without the payment of lobola, and the children involved may not be claimed by the husband unless it is paid. It is seen as a cultural requirement to be recognised by the in-laws and the ancestors.
Most men know paying i-lobola is their cultural duty; however, it is a duty riddled with a lengthy process of financial expenses over which the couple often has no power. It is usually the elders and representatives of the couple who conduct this process on their behalf. It commences with the letter sharing from the groom’s family discussing the intention of marriage, and the bride’s family’s reply and consent for the families to meet.
A real-life scenario
After Clement (surname withheld for privacy) proposed to his girlfriend, he was excited to share the news with his family and friends on social media. However, his excitement was met with disappointment from his mother and extended family, who stated that he was supposed to start with lobola first.
Clement said that after the incident, the relationship between him and his mother became strained.
“She began to put pressure on me to lobola my girlfriend, even demanding that I take up loans to complete the process immediately. I had to pay for my uncles from the rural areas to come and represent me. Mind you, I did not even have a relationship with these people prior, and now I am supposed to trust them with this process.”
Clement was left stressed and feeling helpless as his mother and brothers started making decisions without consulting him, and the costs involved kept rising.
“Luckily my partner’s family and I had already agreed on the bride price beforehand. However, I could only contribute half the amount during the first meeting, which is acceptable according to the cultural process.”
Clement and his partner lost their jobs due to Covid shortly after, and any plans for the gifting ceremony were suddenly crashed.
Three years later, Clement and his partner sought guidance from their families to complete the process so that they could finally live together and start their own lives.
There was the remaining bride price amount to be paid, the gifting ceremony purchases and the costs of two ilobola celebration events. “I told them that I didn’t have enough money for everything, but they said they will assist me this time around, so we set a date for the next meeting.”
In the end, Clement did manage to complete the lobola payment and have a small traditional lunch celebration with the help of his partner and uncles. They did not have enough funds for the gifting ceremonies but promised to complete this process in the future.
Finally, the couple were now allowed to live together as a family, but money was tight at first, he recalls.
It took them three years to recover from their lobola debt, and this experience has left them with no interest in incurring further debt for the gifting ceremonies. “Our plan is to buy a home first and to be financially stable as well, but that remains a challenge for now.”
Modern influences in old traditions
In a research paper looking at the perspectives and experiences of young people today, by Snenhlanhla Msweli of the University of KZN, factors such as educational opportunities, modernisation and urbanisation are contributing to how people view lobola.
Different opinions were expressed in how people in the rural versus urban areas view i-lobola, and to what extent they still practice it. The findings also noted how culture is created and re-created by individuals based on their own beliefs and ‘situationships’.
In written accounts about the topic, Lefatshe Moagi, a lecturer at UNISA in the Department of Political Sciences, gives insight into how the participation of women in the labour force may have negatively influenced the lobola practice. She argues that South Africa’s affirmative action policies, which seemed progressive for black women, were detrimental to the men who are now at a disadvantage.
“Affirmative action, which exposes black women to more employment opportunities than men, white and Coloured women, poses a threat to the sustenance and viability of the lobola institution; she says. “We are approaching an era of economically powerful women paying lobola for their financially flaccid husbands.
“In a radio discussion supporting this notion, several women said they had either shared in the expense or paid for their own bride price. These women were concerned about the financial burden i-lobola would bring afterwards on their relationships, as their partners were earning less than them or could not afford the financial obligation.
Courtship and capitalism at play
The value of lobola has evolved over time, from cattle to money and expensive gifts. This change from traditional to modern culture shows how this practice is now based on capitalist principles.
Msweli’s findings also suggest that the practice has lost its true significance and relevance over time.
“The practice of i-lobola has changed over the years, with increasing emphasis being attached to the value of the lobola payment rather than the meaning and value of i-lobola. In some instances, i-lobola has been turned into a monetary scheme, the high cost of paying lobola being the reason people do not get married, which results in many couples cohabiting.”
Advocating for change
Euphracia Pretorius, also known as the `Gen Z Mamoruti’ (meaning preacher), is a podcast host who is vocal about her Christian faith as a young person in a world where traditional culture and modern beliefs often collide.
In an episode tackling the subject of lobola’s relevance, Mamoruti highlights how the practice has been commercialised over time, which often results in the newlyweds carrying the financial burden.
However, she still strongly believes in the importance of this African practice when done correctly, because it plays a huge role in uniting the two families. “We don’t need to throw away our culture, but we do need to do it with dignity and grace; she says
Words: Gezzy S. Sibisi
Photography by: Gallo/Getty Images
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