Sick of the endless swiping only to get ghosted a day later on dating apps? Toss the apps, and dive head-first back into real-life dating.
Increasingly, every aspect of life seems to happen from behind a screen – work’s in there, and right next to that little flame icon is your banking app, favourite food delivery services, your calculator, calendar and period tracker. It’s not giving romance – and if the dreariness isn’t enough, just click over to Netflix for stories of scammers, toxic exes, catfishers and creeps.
Amy Glover, a clinical psychologist at The Lighthouse Arabia, nails it: “Online dating practices have become familiar and normalised. The way in which traditional courting practices have adapted to the online format can make the experience feel rushed and artificial.” She shares that browsing through faces and profiles online can lead to feelings of disconnection as well as overstimulation.
If disconnected is just how you’re feeling, and one face on a screen is starting to look much like all the others as you swipe left and right, it might be time to delete the apps: put your own face out there to be dazzled by dating in real life. Here’s your guide to getting out and turning sparks into fire.
IT’S EASY TO FAKE CONFIDENCE ONLINE BUT FEELING IT IRL MEANS ACTIVELY DEVELOPING IT
IRL dating begins at home
Sex educator and 5 FM radio presenter Leah Jazz believes active real-life dating is an excuse to fall in love with yourself. “Make a list of the things that make you wonderful to date, and a list of things you’d like to improve on,” she says. “This way, the dating process becomes a way to increase confidence, grow communication skills and build self-esteem. It’s easy to fake confidence online but feeling it IRL (in real life) means actively developing it.” For anyone who’s felt that dating can be demoralising, this is a powerful way to flip that sentiment on its head. Even if the date doesn’t work out, you’ll still leave feeling better than before.
Back to basics
Mike Brits, the owner of Baikt Ceramics in Cape Town, knows a thing or two about turning up the heat with some clay and chemistry at his queer singles’ pottery nights. “Lean into the awkwardness of meeting strangers for the first time, and don’t take it too seriously,” he advises. “It could seem like an uphill battle trying to meet people IRL, but I’d approach dating in the same way I’d approach making new friends – see if you vibe and take it from there.” Why not try an activity that’s always intrigued you and meet some new people in the process?
Authenticity & connection
“Dating will always require openness and curiosity within yourself and about another, connecting with others will always involve some risk of putting oneself out there,” says Amy. “These aspects are still the case when dating in real life and although there may be risks, there is also the opportunity for great rewards.” Stepping away from the apps and into the real world can be daunting, but it’s a journey worth taking. By focusing on building genuine connections and embracing serendipity, you will find that love can truly blossom in unexpected places. Take a leap of faith, flaunt who you are and take a step outside of your comfort zone.
By: Cher Petersen
Photography: Getty Images
