Gen Z’s age-gap era is here, and it’s safe to say: it’s complicated…
Age gaps in relationships aren’t new. We’ve read the tabloid tales about Hollywood’s May-December romances, and witnessed online sugar-baby dynamics. But as Gen Z enters adulthood, they’re no longer just observers — they’re actually living it, questioning it and, in some cases, flipping the script entirely. In a new world of dating apps, TikTok confessions and things that ‘go down in the DMs’, relationships between older and younger partners (especially older women and younger men) are undergoing a cultural remix.
Cougar culture rebranded
Once portrayed as desperate divorcees with wine glasses and wild intentions, ‘cougars’ are reclaiming the narrative. Today’s cougar isn’t a punchline; she’s confident, emotionally secure and not interested in settling. Shows like Sex/Life, influencers like ‘Real Housewives of TikTok’ and memes that praise ‘older baddies’ have refreshed this archetype for a younger, feminist generation.
Gen Z men, often dubbed ‘cubs’ in these scenarios, aren’t necessarily intimidated. In fact, many are intrigued. Whether it’s the allure of emotional intelligence, financial stability or just vibing with someone who knows what they want, younger men arc often sliding into older women’s DMs with no shame (but sometimes, a whole lot of cringe).
However, the cougar-meets-cub ‘trend’ is more often than not still seen as taboo, rather than being celebrated for being progressive and going against gendered ageism. According to multiple academic journals, studies show that people are far more judgemental when a woman is dating someone younger than when a guy does the same. In most cases, it’s the woman who gets all the shade, while older men in similar relationships rarely get questioned.
Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and a prolific sex educator and researcher, suggests that even though this type of relationship is typically marginalised, most partners in them are content. “This may be because when the woman is older, this shifts the power dynamic towards greater equality,” he says. “We know that greater equality in a relationship tends to make couples happier, so perhaps it’s the case that this arrangement is just more equitable.”
However, being in a relationship that causes alarm can take a toll on the couple. “When our relationships aren’t accepted by society and the important people in our lives, that rejection and lack of social support can stress the relationship,” Justin adds.
‘Zaddies’ & sugar obsession
Of course, this is not just a one-way trend. The `zaddy’ phenomenon (an older man with style, confidence and money) has exploded in Gen Z culture. From Pedro Pascal thirst edits to sugar daddy TikTok confessionals, there’s a growing openness to being with someone older if there’s emotional or material payoff .
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Marriage and family therapist Patricia O’Laughlin notes that maturity in age-gap relationships like these “can mean a lower chance of settling for less than ideal circumstances”, emphasising that an older partner often seeks commitment rather than a casual fling.
She adds that there can be “significant differences in beliefs between generations. It’s a real chance to learn how to consider multiple perspectives on an issue or experience… So, typically, an age gap difference means one is in it for the love and relationship.”
But the glamour of many sugar relationships mask more complex realities. On one hand, Gen Z has pushed for transparency and agency in these dynamics — many sugar babies today treat it like a side hustle, with boundaries, contracts and clear communication. On the other hand, these relationships can easily veer into exploitative territory, especially when the power imbalance (financial and/or emotional) goes unchecked. This is where it becomes problematic.
Complications and judgement
Age-gap relationships come with layered power dynamics, and Gen Z isn’t afraid to talk about it. When one partner is significantly older, they have more life experience, financial leverage and social capital. That doesn’t automatically make the relationship toxic, but it does require intentional conversations around consent, equality and emotional readiness.
Consent in this context goes beyond a simple ‘yes’. It involves understanding how age, status and power influence decision-making. Is the younger partner truly on an equal footing, or are they being love-bombed and gaslit into emotional submission? Is the older partner genuinely interested, or are they fetishising youth?
These are questions Gen Z is asking, publicly. Whether it’s through viral Reddit threads, TikTok therapy sessions or Instagram ‘story times’, young people are collectively unpacking what healthy age-gap dynamics look like. If it sounds like Gen Z is obsessed with self-awareness and accountability, you’d be right.
Despite this increasing openness, judgement still runs deep. An older woman dating a younger man is often met with side-eyes and snarky commentary (“Is that your son?”), while older men with younger women are rarely questioned. This patriarchal double standard hasn’t gone unnoticed. Gen Z is calling it out, challenging the idea that a woman’s desirability has an expiry date, while also holding ‘zaddies’ accountable for manipulative behaviour disguised as generosity.
So… Is it a vibe or a red flag?
The answer is: it depends… Gen Z’s approach to age-gap love isn’t about romanticising or rejecting it; it’s about making it real. Are both people in the relationship self-aware? Is communication honest? Are there mutual benefits without manipulation? If yes, then go for it. If not, it’s giving red flag.
What is clear is that Gen Z is navigating age-gap relationships with more nuance, scepticism and emotional literacy than generations before. The cringe DMs may always be there, but the conversation around them has definitely evolved.
Words: Charlton Knight
Photography by: Gallo/Getty Images
Also read: How to argue well in relationships
