Behind every milestone wedding anniversary is a thousand small decisions that were made to get there. We asked an expert to reveal the everyday choices that help couples go the distance 

When it comes to relationships, we celebrate the butterflies, the first dates and how it all began. But the couples who make it to 10, 20 or even 50 years together know that lasting love is built on something far less glamorous. Dr Mike de Freitas, a pastoral therapist, theologian, marriage counsellor and expert in couples therapy, shares the daily habits, mindsets and moments of repair that keep love alive long after the honeymoon phase has passed. 

Building forever in the everyday  

When we think about love, it’s easy to focus on the excitement of first dates and new beginnings. But lasting relationships are usually built through simple daily actions rather than dramatic moments.

According to Dr Mike de Freitas, couples who stand the test of time understand that connection requires intention. Regular communication, whether it’s a daily chat, a weekly catch-up or simply making time to check in with each other, helps keep a relationship strong.

He points to research by renowned relationship experts Dr John Gottman and Dr Julie Schwartz Gottman, whose work highlights the importance of small relationship rituals. Making eye contact, sharing a meaningful kiss and expressing appreciation may seem simple, but these habits help couples stay emotionally connected over the years.

Over time, these everyday moments create a foundation of trust and closeness that can help couples weather life’s challenges together. 

Navigating conflict with compassion  

Every relationship experiences disagreements. The key isn’t avoiding conflict altogether but learning how to handle it in a healthy way.

Dr Mike de Freitas explains that unresolved issues tend to resurface repeatedly, while couples who address problems early often find future challenges easier to manage. A helpful mindset is to remember that it’s not you versus your partner, but both of you working together against the problem.

The effort invested in a relationship during its early years also pays dividends later. Like a savings account, positive experiences, trust and mutual support build up over time. When challenges arise, couples can draw on that emotional reserve to repair misunderstandings and reconnect more quickly. 

Growing together  

One of the realities of a long marriage is that people change. The person you marry at 25 may be very different at 45 or 55, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Personal growth is important at every stage of life. Whether it’s trying a new hobby, travelling, learning a skill or pursuing personal goals, continuing to grow as individuals can also strengthen a relationship. When both partners remain curious and engaged with the world, they bring fresh energy into their marriage.

At the same time, balance matters. Spending every moment together can become restrictive, while maintaining individual interests creates space for each partner to thrive. Healthy relationships allow room for togetherness and independence. 

Moments that matter  

Life has a way of filling our calendars with responsibilities, stress and endless to-do lists. That’s why intentionally creating joyful moments is so important.

Dr Mike de Freitas encourages couples to develop “happy habits” – small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness that show care and appreciation. It could be making a morning coffee, surprising your partner with a favourite treat or simply helping with a task you know they dislike.

He also believes laughter plays a powerful role in long-term relationships. Sharing a joke, being playful and finding reasons to laugh together can ease tension and strengthen emotional bonds. In difficult seasons, these moments of joy remind couples why they chose each other in the first place 

Devotions that matters  

As relationships mature, love becomes less about fleeting feelings and more about commitment. Dr Mike de Freitas describes marriage as a choice that requires ongoing renewal and intention.

This can be particularly important during midlife, when the pressures of work, family responsibilities and routine can place strain on relationships. During these seasons, couples benefit from focusing on intimacy in its broadest sense: spending time together, sharing experiences, supporting one another and continuing to build a shared life.

Rather than viewing wedding vows as something revisited only on milestone anniversaries, he believes couples should recommit to their relationship through their daily actions and attitudes. Choosing to see the best in each other, even during challenging times, can make all the difference.

In the end, strong marriages aren’t built overnight. They are shaped by friendship, laughter, communication and the small habits that bring couples closer every day. 

5 small habits to start today for a healthy union:  

• Hold hands regularly. 
• Leave thoughtful notes. 
• Check in with each other. 
• Express appreciation more often. 
• Respect each other’s differences. 

Learn this couple’s secret to 75 years 

For more relationship insights and advice, subscribe to JetClub to read the complete feature. 

Words: Emma Mbuthuma
Photos: Gallo/Getty Images