Do you feel as if you’re stuck in a relationship rut? However long you’ve been together, intimacy is key to relationship health. 

‘So many couples are too comfortable with the idea of removing intimacy from their lives,’ says sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni. ‘They stop kissing eachother goodbye, hardly say “I love you”, and sit at opposite ends of the sofa when watching TV. They are jus existing with each other rather than really being together, sharing eachother’s joy and pain.’

‘Don’t worry, getting back on track doesn’t just mean having more sex –30% of people from a British study say they don’t have time for that. ‘Sex and intimacy are two very different things that are often confused,’ says sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight, who works with online store Lovehoney. ‘Sex at its most basic level is a physical act, while intimacy can make you delve a lot deeper. Intimacy is important for happiness. Every relationship needs a bit of TLC from time to time and doing an intimacy challenge could be a great way to do that.’ Here’s how to deepen your intimacy in just a month…

TYPES OF INTIMACY
You can experience intimacy in different ways. ‘There are several types of intimacy,’ says Annabelle. ‘Combined together, they ensure that you and your partner have a strong foundation, and can help you to navigate relationship issues more easily.’ These include:

Emotional intimacy: You feel safe with your partner, and may share secrets and desires.
Experimental intimacy: You bond through experiencing a shared activity.
Intellectual intimacy: You feel on an even keel intellectually, and are mentally stimulated by that person’s company.
Sexual intimacy: You’re close to someone physically, welcoming intimate touching and sex.

HOW TO DO IT
Find a month when you are together. Follow each day’s challenge and tick it off when you complete it. Make use of the rest of the days to either catch up on something you’ve missed or reflect on what you’ve done so far. ‘Almost all couples will end up having a day off in this type of challenge – life intervenes,’ says Jessica. ‘Don’t punish yourself if you do this. The important thing is changing your mindset as a couple so that you both acknowledge the importance of regular intimacy.’

WHY A CHALLENGE CAN HELP
Our month-long challenge has been designed to include all four types of intimacy. ‘It could teach you how to achieve and maintain those levels of intimacy for life,’ says Annabelle. ‘Refocusing your energy fora specific task, in this case the challenge, will also help you to look at your relationship from a new angle.’

1 COOK A MEAL TOGETHER
‘Sharing household tasks, such as cooking, has been shown to increase intimacy bonds and in turn lead to a greater level of mutual respect between partners,’ says Annabelle.

2 PLAY A BOARD GAME
‘Games are a fun way to enhance intimacy,’ says Jessica. ‘This won’t be for everyone, but one of my favourites is playing Twister naked as an adult. It’s a fun way to spark lovemaking.’

3 PRACTISE HOLDING EYE CONTACT
‘Eye contact is a powerful tool of communication within a relationship,’ says Annabelle. ‘We’re more attentive to those who are attentive to us.’

4 BE NAKED IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER
This helps the production of the feel-good hormone oxytocin. ‘The more time you spend naked in each other’s company, the more desire you’ll feel towards your partner,’ says Annabelle.

5 TAKE A BREAK

6 MASSAGE EACH OTHER
‘This is a great way to build sexual intimacy in a safe way as the focus isn’t on sex itself, but rather on intimate touch,’ says Annabelle. ‘A massage is all about providing pleasure in a different way.’

7 TAKE A JOINT BATH
‘Bathing together is an ideal way to unwind and reconnect,’ says Annabelle. ‘Use thetime to refocus on one another and talk.’

8 TRY THE LOVING SPOONFUL
‘Sex from behind can seem raw and animalistic, but when you turn it on its side – spooning-style – it magically turns into something that’s sweet and loving,’ says Jessica.

9 HOLD HANDS
‘This is important because it’s a way of connecting when you are doing every-day activities, even something as hum-drum as walking down the road,’ says Jessica.

10 DANCE TOGETHER
‘Dancing is an easy way to experience intimacy,’ says Jessica. ‘You don’t need to get lessons from a professional – schedule your favourite tunes on Spotify and start with some sensual moves.’

11 TAKE A BREAK

12 MAKE A DIARY DATE
Whether a fortnight away or just a weekend walk in the woods, planning time together in a different setting can be enough to remind you how much fun you and your partner can have together.

13 GET DRESSED UP
‘Making an effort with your appearance is a great way to boost your self-confidence and increase intimacy levels,’ says Annabelle. ‘Seeing your partner make an effort just for you really helps to bond couples.’

14 TRY A TOY
‘Incorporating sex toys into your play is a fantastic way to experience different types of pleasure,’ says Annabelle.

15 TRY MISSIONARY
‘Yes, it’s the most traditional position, but it’s great for intimate eye and verbal contact,’ says Jessica.

16 TAKE A COUPLES’ SELFIE
‘You’ll connect as you enjoy looking at pictures of the two of you having fun,’ says Jessica. ‘X-rated selfies are fun, too – just make sure that you only do this with someone you trust implicitly.’

17 MAKE A LOVE LIST
‘Listing five things you love about the other person is a good game to build intimacy,’ says Jessica. ‘It’s worth doing it every few months and picking out new things you like each time.’

18 TAKE A BREAK

19 TRY EYES WIDE OPEN
‘Sit facing your partner with your legs draped over his,’ says Jessica. ‘Stare into each other’s eyes and synchronise your breathing. Then manoeuvre your way on to his lap to straddle him.’

20 EXERCISE TOGETHER
‘This can increase experimental intimacy, as well as helping relieve stress, which will have a positive impact on the relationship you have with yourself, as well as the one with your partner,’ says Annabelle.

21 KISS
‘Sharing a deep kiss causes your brain to release a whole host of feel-good chemicals into your body,’ says Annabelle. ‘Making time to kiss can also be a quick and easy way to increase bonds of physical intimacy.’

22 SHARE A SECRET
‘This helps build strong levels of trust and increases the bond of emotional intimacy that you share,’ says Annabelle.

23 TAKE A BREAK

24 DITCH TECH FOR TALKING
‘Get off your phones and allocate time for each other,’ says Jessica. ‘You should have at least 30 minutes each day where you sit down together and discover more about each other’s day.’

25 GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Whether it’s riding a bike for the first time in years, or booking yourself on to a language course together, experience something that pushes both your boundaries.

26 WRITE A LETTER TO EACH OTHER
‘This is a good exercise to do if you’re a little shy,’ says Annabelle. ‘It shows your partner you care as it’s a considered and thought-out process that takes both time and effort to do.

27 TRY THE SIDE-BY-SIDE
‘This is a modified Missionary position,’ says Jessica. ‘Simply swivel so you’re side-by-side rather than with him on top. Again, it’s good for both eye – and verbal – contact.

28 TAKE A BREAK

29 WATCH A FILM TOGETHER
‘Experiencing any form of art together is a great way to build experimental intimacy levels, and films allow you to do this in the comfort of your own home,’ says Annabelle.

30 TRY THE LOTUS
‘This is for super-supple couples, maybe those who enjoy doing Pilates together,’ says Jessica. ‘He sits cross-legged and she lowers herself onto him with both her legs and arms crossed behind his back.’

Words by Faye M Smith
Photography: Pexels