We’ve seen enough romcoms to know how romance starts at the coffee machine and ends with a white-veiled wedding scene. And while workplace relationships may seem like a fleeting ‘one-time’ thing, they often lead to long-term relationships or marriage.
But while a lot of good can come from this kind of romance, there are some precautions and repercussions in your personal life and career. We spoke to Tracy Ziman Jacobs, an intimacy and relationships coach at Totally Me in Sandton, about how to navigate this tricky task.
A scenario
Talking about the ins and outs of an office romance, Tracy created the scenario of two colleagues, Lesiba and Amy, working at a large corporate company. Like many teammates, they face a deadline requiring late nights and long hours together, and soon realise they’ve developed feelings for each other.
After trying to suppress these feelings, they decide to accept them. What now? What will the effects be on their careers? What are the dos and don’ts?
The love triangle with HR
Upon reading Tracy’s scenario about our star-crossed lovers, the first step was to figure out where the relationship stood in terms of the company’s office relationship policies. Many companies have hard and fast rules about dating co-workers, where you may need to inform managers and other co-workers or follow certain guidelines.
Should a company allow romantic relationships, you may need to avoid any PDA at work, but you’ll also avoid judgement from co-workers or being reported to management. The first thing to do, however, is to ask yourself if the relationship is worth it. Are you both tired and frustrated over the same work things, or do you genuinely have a connection? Is it attraction, or do you deeply feel drawn to the other person?
See you at how
If an argument occurs in your personal life, this will ultimately affect your professional relationship – unless you are some kind of Jekyll and Hyde. Ensure that you put boundaries in place to stop your personal issues from overflowing into your work life – keep the professionalism and decorum that is needed at the office.
Try to avoid spending too much time as a unit at work: sitting next to each other in meetings, having lunch together, and do not use work email or chat platforms to send personal messages.
Keep the spark alive
The anxieties are high, and while you’re holding hands you may start feeling a feverish sweat creep up as you see an approaching colleague. But don’t let your racing mind dull your racing heart.
Tracy gives the following advice: Agree to have a date night once a week with the rule that work-related conversation topics are off the table. Turn off your phones and dedicate the time to just being together in a space where there is no pressure on being together. And if all else fails and the relationship is too affected by work, see a therapist.
Because we’re often friends with the person we are seeing as well as being lovers, it may seem odd to avoid spending time with that person at work. If you are in the same work-friend circle, use that to your advantage to hang out and still see each other without having to be sneaky.
The right time
While dating your co-worker may be thrilling, dating someone in a higher or lower position is a little risky. ‘Avoid subordinate relationships as the power imbalance could overflow into the personal relationship,’ says Tracy.
And when you think about most romcom office-based storylines, the intern having a fling with the CEO seems like a fairy tale but in reality, it is a little contingent. Avoiding relationships with someone below or above you means you avoid unnecessary conflicts about company secrets and other knowledge being leaked. Plus, you’ll keep those unwanted wandering eyes from piercing through your relationship.
Take it outside
Yes, you’re in love. Yes, you can’t keep your hands off each other. Yes, it can make your colleagues a little uncomfortable. If PDA is a big part of your relationship, avoid doing it in front of colleagues. ‘If the couple keep PDA and private jokes outside of the office, this will avoid others feeling uncomfortable around them,’ says Tracy.
When it comes to a close
Never argue or fight about personal issues at work. If either of you feel that you would be better working at a different place to save your relationship, then make the decision together.
Job-hunt before you make the decision to leave, and don’t use your relationship as the sole reason for leaving a company for another. The same applies to a breakup.
As harsh as it seems, Tracy mentions: ‘Those in a workplace romance need to consider the chances of the relationship not working out.’
Talk about the realities of the relationship and how you’d deal with a potential breakup. Avoid a messy falling out, because it will affect not just you and your partner, but your workplace, too.
A workplace relationship can be just as beautiful and innocent as the ‘passing strangers becoming lovers’ trope. And while it may take extra thinking and strategy, when hasn’t a little extra effort, passion and determination resulted in a well put-together business proposal?
Words: Saadiqah Schroeder
Photography: Gallo/Getty Images, Pexles, Freepik
