While we tend to avoid conversations about money, politics and religion in company, it will likely come up in our relationships. It can be a bit challenging when dating online, since talking politics isn’t exactly flirty, but it’s better to discover your partner’s views and opinions before you’re smitten. 

While some find that love and personality even out conflicting views, others might find it upsetting. Sean King, a Johannesburg-based registered counsellor, suggests that refined communication is the key. Some people become emotionally responsive when discussing politics, so tread carefully to.  

Determine whether discussing politics is a dealbreaker or not. If it interferes to the point where your values are different, the relationship could become strained. “If your values align and you can recognise that, but still hold differences in political opinions, ask yourself whether it is worth involving politics,” he says.  

Once you’ve established what you agree and disagree on, it is important to calmly discuss how to live together in harmony.  

“IF YOUR VALUES ALIGN AND YOU CAN RECOGNISE THAT, BUT HOLD DIFFERENCES IN POLITICAL OPINIONS,ASK YOURSELF IF IT’S WORTH INVOLVING POLITICS”  

Draw Boundaries  

“It’s important, as an individual, to know your political and intellectual boundaries when it comes to choosing a partner,” Sean explains. When you know your boundaries and limitations, it is easier to know what you won’t tolerate.   

Be Curious  

Try to understand your partner’s political positions and opinions without jumping to conclusions. “Try to understand a little bit more about your partner’s worldview without listening just to disagree and reply,” Sean says.  

Accept That People Are Different  

When you’re discussing politics with your partner, be aware that you’re unlikely to change their views. Instead, work to understand each other’s perspectives and avoid an emotional blow up.  

“If you get into a conversation with a partner wanting an outcome where you are going to change their view, especially in a modern society that is so polarized, it can be disastrous,” says Sean.  

Choose Your Methods Wisely  

Conflict arises when people feel like they’re being criticised. Sean suggests avoiding aggressive verbal and body language so that it’s clear you’re not attacking your partner or their views. “A practical way to do this is by using ‘I’ statements, to talk from your perspective. There is a difference between saying ‘I disagree with you’ versus ‘You’re wrong’. Even though they ultimately mean the same thing, they will evoke different reactions,” he says.  

Find Commonality  

Consider which values you both have in common. “Look for shared ideals, goals, positions in society, and values. Politics, specific parties and the people we vote for don’t necessarily split us.  

There can still be commonalty in difference of political opinion,” says Sean. Ultimately, it’s helpful to know how important politics is to you, and whether you need to discuss it with your partner. If you need to discuss it, but can’t find a way to do it optimally, consider couple’s counselling. A mediated opinion may help you to better hash out your stances.  

Text: Atlehang Ramathesele
Photography: Gallo/Getty Images