Congratulations! You’ve fallen for someone who lives nowhere near you. But what now? Here’s everything you need to know to make it work.
Once upon a time, falling in love required geographical convenience – ideally someone within walking distance, or at worst a short horse ride away. Now, thanks to the miracle of modern technology, you can fall hopelessly, inconveniently in love with someone who lives in a different city – or hemisphere.
Maybe you met on a dating app, a Microsoft Teams call or some niche Reddit forum for people who are really into sourdough – or perhaps your IRL relationship switched to long-distance thanks to a work opportunity-either way, navigating geographically-challenged love requires self-awareness, crystal clear communication and many of the same ingredients that go into making all intimate relationships work.
“I have worked with many long-distance couples in my practice, often meeting with partners online while they are based in different cities or even different parts of the world,” says Cape Town-based counsellor Lauren Moore. “While some of the challenges they face are directly related to the distance, many of them are actually the same challenges that affect relationships in general.” Here’s what you need to know before you commit to a romance measured in frequent flyer miles.
Do LDRs Last?
The short answer is yes, they can – if you put in the work.
In one US study involving 71 college couples, 80% of the long-distance couples stated that they were likely to marry their partners, while only 62% of the geographically close couples said the same. The study concluded that the commitment it takes to be in a successful long-distance relationship (LDR) pays off.
“One of the biggest advantages of long-distance or online relationships is the amount of intentional communication that takes place,” says Lauren.
“Conversations tend to be more in-depth because couples can’t rely on simply being physically present together. Instead of a quick ‘How was your day?’ interaction, partners often spend extended periods talking, sharing experiences and getting to know each other on a much deeper level.”
What’s the secret sauce?
Lauren shares the recipe:
Empathy: A deep level of empathy is needed from both partners. Being physically separated can be incredibly challenging – you can’t simply be with your partner when they’re having a difficult day, offer a hug or show up at their door to provide comfort and support. Because of this, it’s important that each partner is able to hold space for the other’s experience, even when they may not be struggling themselves.
Commitment: There also needs to be an understanding from the outset that this isn’t always going to be easy, and for this reason the relationship needs to be prioritised in very tangible ways, such as not missing calls or online dates.
@bethathealinggirl Replying to @amariahbone most IMPORTANT piece at the end of the video! Let me know if this helps! ♥️ #longdistancerelationship #trustthetiming #divinetiming ♬ original sound – clare | IG: @bethathealinggirl
Just because a partner is out of sight should never mean they are out of mind. Couples need to continue investing time and energy into their connection, making space for meaningful communication and shared experiences. The relationship should remain a priority in the same way it would if the couple lived in close proximity to one another. When partners consistently show up for each other and make one another feel valued, loved and important, they create a strong foundation for long-term success.
Communication: It’s critical to have an in-depth conversation – ideally at the beginning – about expectations. Is the long-distance arrangement indefinite, or is there a plan for it to last only a certain period of time? What does each partner need in order to feel loved, valued and prioritised while they are apart? Are there plans for regular visits or opportunities to spend time together in person?
@reubenandvanessa Life gets busy, but the norm should be talking consistently. Otherwise you won’t make it through. You already rarely see each other. #ldrcheck #longdistancelovestory #ldr #longdistancelove #2026bride ♬ original sound – nessyandruby
Regular relationship check-ins are also essential. Every few weeks or months, couples should take time to honestly assess how things are going.
Are both partners coping well with the distance? Do they still feel connected and fulfilled in the relationship? Are there any concerns that need to be addressed?
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When To Call It Quits
“It’s important to be able to tell your partner what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling it, and what you might need that is different from what you’ve been receiving,” says Lauren.
“Healthy relationships depend on partners being able to have these conversations openly and respectfully.”
One of the clearest signs that it might be time to cut the chord is if you consistently feel neglected, unloved, unseen and unheard despite making genuine efforts to communicate.
Beware of The Swindlers
Unfortunately, the rise of digital dating has been shadowed by romance scammers. “When it comes to online dating specifically, there are certain warning signs that should never be ignored,” says Lauren. “Video calls are important for building trust and verifying that the person is who they say they are.
Someone who continually avoids video calls or offers ongoing excuses for why they can’t be seen should raise concerns.”
This isn’t fail safe, as Al video technology is evolving at an alarming speed – but avoidance of video calls is a definite red flag. Another is any request for money. “Financial requests early in a relationship, particularly in an online relationship, should be approached with extreme suspicion,” says Lauren.
@ldrconnect Who are you talking to online? Are they a doctor? Are they on a mission? Are they somewhere where they cannot do a video call with you? please be safe please be wise You do not owe anyone more explanations online relationships and long-distance relationships are built on trust and clarity not secrecy and confusion . lead with heart #LongDistanceRelationship #onlinedating #scammers #onlinesafety #connection ♬ Spooky, quiet, scary atmosphere piano songs – Skittlegirl Sound
“I would also encourage people to be mindful of love bombing. Healthy relationships develop over time and include authenticity, depth and sometimes even healthy challenges. If someone is constantly showering you with excessive praise, declaring intense feelings very quickly or presenting you as perfect without really knowing you, then it’s worth slowing down and paying attention. Real relationships involve genuine connection, not just idealisation.”
Words: Robyn McLarty
Photographs: Getty Images
