Despite living in a world that celebrates independence, parents and children still need the support of a community. Paediatrician Dr Anisa Vahed unpacks how to build these ties, both as the receiver and giver of care.

Remember a time when you were growing up when your neighbours all looked out for you? Scolded you if you stepped out of line? An aunty two houses away made you a sandwich, or a grandpa fixed your bicycle? Yip, those were the days. At every turn, someone cared and ensured children were supported. 

Today, things are very different. 

Unlike previous generations, parents are increasingly raising children in isolation. Between demanding schedules, rising stress levels at work, ‘stranger danger’ and the pressure to have it all together, modern parenting can feel deeply lonely. Yet, regardless of how much society and times have changed, one truth remains: children still need the village. 

@homelearninghaven Quick to judge, but slow to offer support. Becoming a parent has made me realise now, more than ever, just how challenging the reality is. I’ve always felt that I’d rather give my support than my advice to my friends/family who have kids, but now I’m a mum, I feel that x100. I’d never give my daughter less than 100%, but I will say 100% becomes a lot more difficult when you’re tired, overwhelmed, there are other tasks to do…never mind being expected to do it all on your own 🤯 #childdevelopment #parentingtips #IntentionalParenting #consciousparenting #mumlife ♬ original sound – Home Learning Haven

According to Dr Anisa Vahed, the saying is more relevant now than ever. “While the world has advanced technologically, human biology has not,” she says. “Human infants are born incredibly dependent, and historically we evolved to raise them in co-operative, communal structures. Children thrive when they feel safe, supported and connected to a network of caring adults.” 

She believes modern families are trying to carry too much and do too much on their own. “Parenting was never meant to happen in isolation,” says Dr Vahed. “The ‘village’ isn’t just a nice-to-have luxury; it’s a fundamental safety net that preserves the mental health of parents and optimises the development of the child.” 

Parenting in isolation 

The saying “It takes a village to raise a child” feels harder to live by these days. Some parents are raising children far from grandparents and relatives, neighbours keep to themselves, communities feel less connected, and busy schedules leave little time to reach out and lean on others. And while technology is meant to keep us in constant contact, many parents are feeling increasingly alone in real life. 

“The modern village is not always made up of extended family living nearby,” says Dr Vahed.  “Today it can include grandparents on video calls, supportive friends, teachers, healthcare professionals, childcare providers, neighbours, school communities and even online parenting support groups.”  

She refers to this as a “mosaic village”, which means one that is intentionally pieced together through different forms of support. 

“It includes the found village, like neighbours and fellow parents; the chosen village, made up of close friends who become family: the professional village of paediatricians, teachers and therapists; and even virtual communities where parents share practical support and resources,” she explains.

Why children need more than just parents 

Children thrive when there are adults outside of their immediate family that they can trust, talk to and lean on. 

Whether it’s a teacher, coach, neighbour, aunt or family friend, those relationships help children feel emotionally secure and connected to the wider world.

@jenniferlatch The idea you must raise a family in isolation is false. Ask for help. Give help. Build a community. 💚 #TikTokLearningCampaign #lifetips ♬ original sound – Jennifer Latch

“Trusted adults outside the immediate family provide children with additional emotional security, perspective and support,” explains Dr Vahed. “These relationships show children that they are supported by a broader community.”  

When they see healthy relationships, kindness as well as support modelled around them, they also learn empathy, communication and emotional security. 

Importantly, she adds, supporting parents directly benefits children too.  

“A well-supported parent is often a calmer, more regulated and emotionally available parent.” 

Asking for support is not a weakness 

With so much emphasis nowadays being placed on being self-sufficient and independent, many parents feel the pressure to quietly manage everything on their own. But Dr Vahed believes that this type of mindset needs to change. 

“We need to move away from the idea that asking for help is a weakness,” she says. “Strong families are often built through strong communities.” 

She hopes people remember one simple truth about raising children today: “We were never meant to do this alone, and you are not failing because it feels hard.” 

Perhaps that is the real heart of the village. Not perfection. Not having all the answers. But simply showing up for one another with consistency, warmth and care. Because while times may have changed, one thing has not: it does still take a village to raise a child. 

@corporate_mom_agendaIt’s ok to ask for, want, or need help as a parent♬ original sound – Jen | Motherhood & Corporate

Words: Shanaaz Petersen
Photos: Pexels