All friendships have ups and downs, but they can be especially tricky when you’re adulting. Here’s how to deal with common friendship problems

When you’re a child or teen, friendships are as easy as trips to the mall or sleepovers on the weekend. When you’re an adult though, friendships become more tricky and hard to manage, but why? As you transition into adulthood, having new experiences such as work, new relationships and other daily struggles can make it difficult to navigate friendships. Use these tips to learn about five common friendship problems and how to deal with them.

1. Finding a balance

In an ideal world, all friendships would be 50/50 and all our needs would be met. But this isn’t realistic, as we all experience difficult times. For example, if a friend is going through a break-up, family problems or financial issues, they may need our support more and vice versa. In this situation, they may not be aware enough or have the capacity to give you what you need.

Solution: Friendships are about give and take, so communicate what you need. This might make you feel vulnerable, but it will save your friendship in the long run. Try saying something along these lines of: ‘I am happy to be there for you, but I need some time to open up too,’ or ‘Could we schedule some time to talk about XYZ, please?’. This script will change according to your needs. If they can’t meet your needs, they will let you know.

2. Conflicting schedules 

Adulting usually means saying goodbye to last-minute plans because life is just that busy.The solution for this is usually to schedule plans a week or even weeks  ahead of time, but even this can be tough. And when you can’t find enough time to catch up, someone is bound to feel lonely, left out or neglected.

Solution: Be flexible and get creative, because adulthood is always going to be busy. It’s important to make time for those who are important to you, when possible. For example, if you don’t have time for a full-day catch-up, try to squeeze in an hour. Coffee before or after work, sharing a mid-week meal, running errands or working out together are great time-saving options.

3. Feeling envious or left out 

During early adulthood, we’re all at different stages of our lives and this may make you feel envious or left out. And this is normal. For example, one friend may be living-on-a-budget student while the other has a thriving career. Or one could be happily married and another could be single and tired of the dating pool.

Solution: Use how you’re feeling as motivation and remember that you are both in different stages of your life. Your friend has gone through their own hurdles (such as being a student) to get where they are now. Remind yourself of what you’ve achieved and work hard on your future accomplishments. And keep in mind, envy often reveals your unconscious desires. Lastly, these negative feelings are temporary and normal.

4. Financial gaps 

Even the closest friends may avoid speaking about money. And if you don’t communicate, things can become awkward if you can’t afford to go out as much your friend or do pricey activities. This could also lead to your feeling lesser, which could cause jealousy.

Solution: It may be tempting to pull away and avoid money talks, but this could create a rift between you two.  If you’re close enough, try to explain to your friend that things are a bit tight for you financially and if you could compromise on going out. This may mean budget-friendly outings such as going for coffee instead of supper, taking walks and going for ice cream or just Netflix and chilling at home. It’s up to you to plan or suggest activities you can afford. These days many of us are strapped for cash at times, so your friend will understand.

5. Growing apart 

From your worldview to habits and priorities, life experiences lead to inevitable growing pains. This means at some point you and your friends may have less in common, be at different life stages and have different needs. As a result, growing apart can be unavoidable and difficult to deal with.

Solution: Don’t see your friendships as static and don’t expect too much from anyone. This could mean giving each of your friends different roles. For instance, one friend could be your confidant while another is someone you can call if you need to let loose and have fun. This removes the expectation of all-or-nothing friendships and allows you to enjoy your friendships for what they are. At the same time, avoid putting each friend in a box. It’s important to remember that although your friends have changed, all the different versions of them played an important role in your growth too. Just as you figured out many rocky roads together, you’re bound to navigate your new journey as a team.

Words by Aaqeelah Floris
Photography: Pexels